Take the secular job

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

I’m a cis woman in my late 20s from a conservative Catholic background. I’ve known I was gay (or “struggled with same-sex attraction,” in the language of my church) since I was a child. In 2018, I married a good, decent man to try to live as a straight woman; this failed, and we divorced shortly thereafter. Due to family and church pressure, I agreed to “walk a holy path of lifelong celibacy.” COVID has turned my life upside down. I’m sheltering-in-place across the country, and my social group is now mostly local artists. One of them confessed her crush on me, I reciprocated, and we have started remotely dating. I’ve prayed and reflected and made peace with being a gay Catholic. I came out to my parents, and they cut me off. I was emotionally destroyed for a few days, but then years of anxiety and depression lifted.

I’m making art and breathing freely again—after seven years of stunning blankness. I’m also suddenly angry, or I cry out of nowhere, because I think about the past and I feel things again. I feel like I’m losing my mind! I’m seriously considering a career change. I have a stable teaching job lined up at a religious school, or I can take a temporary research-based job for the city digitizing archives and curating displays. I’m leaning toward the latter. I love the Catholic Church, but she’s really hurt me, and I’m afraid of being hurt again. How can I be sure I’m making the right decision?

levioosa

Definitely get out of there. 

downtondiva

Take the job with the city. I think creating some space between yourself and the Church, at least for the time being, may be a good idea. 

banana468

This is one of the issues that I do have with the rules of the Catholic faith.   That my brother can be fired for being in a same sex relationship but they won't ask FIL about how long ago he had a vasectomy is how they are picking and choosing how to enforce their own values.  

Take the job that doesn't come with the conflict.

short+sassy

While I realize the LW is still understandably having some emotional issues they are dealing with, it sounds like overall they are on a path to a happier and more fulfilling life.  The new job they are considering sounds like it is coming at the perfect time for that new start.

The only caveat I would give is for the LW to consider their finances and employability, once the temporary position is over.  But especially if they don't think it would take them too long to find another job, it sounds like such an exciting opportunity.  Not to mention, just because the job is temporary, doesn't mean the LW won't make valuable connections that could lead to their next more permanent position.  Especially since it is a job working for a city.

VarunaTT

Let's not pretend that the job with the Catholic school can be considered stable with her attempting to divide her life between being in/out of the closet.

Take the temp job and be updating the resume and working to find a new job.  Whatever that journey ends up looking like, It'll be far less traumatizing than being found out and fired for your identity.

kerbohl

I know people who have worked at religious schools, and some of the rules for employment are just not worth it.  The person I know felt discriminated against just for simple things like how often they read devotions.  They are no longer there because they don't need to deal with that nonsense.  I'm also on Team Secular Job.  Especially working for the city - there could be some great future opportunities there!

MyNameIsNot

I'm also on team secular job, but I also think LW is burying the lead a little. 

She's come out, started dating someone, and been cut off from her family all in the space of Covid. While those are all steps in the right direction, that's a lot of trauma in a short period of time, especially to be processing while isolating. I don't know if she's struggling with it, or just wants to talk about it and the job is a way of bringing it up. It sounds like she's sorting through a lot of emotions right now.