Prudie is going for a 'disclosure' theme today.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m in my second month of social distancing in NYC, and it’s going OK, even though I haven’t seen anyone but my roommate in weeks. We’re both women in our late 20s and have become a pseudo–family unit, making dinner together, sharing shopping responsibilities, and juggling household expenses together. Given that we met randomly back in the fall and were never especially close, I think it’s going pretty successfully. My sexuality never came up before we entered “lockdown” and became friends. I’m bisexual, although people usually assume I’m straight upon meeting me. Back when we could still have overnight guests, she only met the guys I brought home, never the girls (this was due to random chance, not avoidance), and I hadn’t disclosed my sexuality to her because we didn’t speak often. Now that we’re actually friends, I want to come out. How do I do this? Especially considering she’s more open with her body than she might be if she knew my sexuality—I don’t want her misunderstanding casual nipple talk or chatting in the doorway on the way to the shower in a towel. But we’re close enough friends now that I want her to know this important part of me. I also wonder if I should’ve been upfront from the beginning, but (as we were strangers) it seemed irrelevant. Do you have a script for me?

—Nervous Roommates

banana468

Be yourself.   Your relationship with the roommate should be built on trust.    

I would let it come out naturally rather than in a forced conversation.     You can mention the ex girlfriend or boyfriend and then the roommate can get the idea rather than a conversation that needs to be staged. 

downtondiva

I see nothing wrong with not discussing your sexuality with someone you're not close to. So don't worry that you did something wrong by not mentioning it sooner.

I agree that you don't need to have a big, forced conversation dedicated to telling your roommate that you're bisexual. It's perfectly fine to just mention an ex-girlfriend and let your roommate reach the understanding on her own. Unless she's said or done something in the past to make you think she won't be okay with this, I bet everything will be fine.

short+sassy

I agree the LW didn't do anything wrong by not telling her roommate she was bisexual.  It just hasn't come up in conversation and that makes sense.  When I had roommates in college, we might talk about whomever we were currently dating.  But we didn't usually mention exes unless it was relevant to the conversation and nor did we usually have deep conversations about our sexuality.  I think it's the LW's call.  The roommate can figure it out with a casual mention of a female ex or something like that.  Though I also don't think it would be out of place to just mention her sexuality at the next good opportunity.  Either way, it should casual and natural.  It doesn't warrant a major conversation.

I know this is a little bit different situation because we were casual friends and not roommates.  But my H and I had a next-door neighbor whom we'd only ever seen her date women, including living with someone for 2-years.  We naturally assumed she was a lesbian, but her sexuality never came up.  We moved to a different area.  A few years went by and we ran into her and her (male) FI at a local coffee shop.  We were (inwardly) a little surprised she was bisexual.  But really just excited to have caught up with her and learn that her career had been excelling and she'd found true love.    

I know it isn't fair that it's easier for heterosexual people, because society usually just assumes the sexual identity they are anyway.  

MyNameIsNot

You're not wrong to not come out to a roommate that you weren't that close to, but you also don't have to make a big production. "I wouldn't kick her out of bed" while watching a movie is all you need. 

charlotte989875

Totally fine you didn’t say anything until now if it didn’t come up; if you want to just tell her I think that’s fine, I also think it’s fine to wait for it to come up in conversation casually. 

Basically LW did nothing wrong, and they can move forward however they’re most comfortable.