Wedding Woes

Definitely don't let them stay.

Dear Prudence,

Our house has thin walls. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend spent the holidays with us in our guest room, which is right next to our 4-year-old’s room. When they had sex, it sounded like a bunch of howler monkeys. Our daughter woke up and got scared because she thought someone was in pain. I came out into the hallway and could hear the thudding from the bed echoing. We let our daughter sleep with us that night. My husband “talked” to his brother. I assumed everything was taken care of, since there were pink cheeks and no eye contact the next day.

The next night, my husband was asleep downstairs when my daughter came into our room crying, saying the girlfriend was “screaming.” I was furious. I could hear the noise 3 feet away from their door. I slammed a fist on the door and told them to shut up or I would make them leave the house right now. They cut their visit short and never apologized. Our daughter had a few nightmares afterward, and I don’t want a repeat. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend need a place to stay over the summer. I told my husband that if they stay, they stay in separate rooms—the girlfriend can sleep on the sofa. Otherwise, I don’t want them in my house. My husband talked to his brother, and I got labelled as “controlling.” I don’t think any reasonable house guest would act like this, especially the second time. What do we say here?

—Bad Houseguests

Re: Definitely don't let them stay.

  • LW may have been a bit dramatic when this incident occurred, but I do think she's 100% within her rights not to let BIL and his girlfriend stay over again. Being a house guest and having loud sex like that is bad enough, but it's especially bad with a child in the next room. I think it's totally reasonable to set the boundary that if they can't be more discreet, they can't stay at LW's house 
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Bottom line is they were disruptive house guests.  And disruptive house guests don't get to stay in my house for an ENTIRE summer!  Yeesh.

    Come to think of it, polite and wonderful house guests don't get to stay in my house for an entire summer either, lol.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Even if they were to stay in separate rooms, what's to say one wouldn't go to the other's bedroom for sex at night? 
    Isn't that what's exactly would happen? 

    Clearly they don't care about the noise level because it happened again a second night.   So they don't give two fucks (well - they DID but, you know) about the request.   Why let them there?  

    And honestly sex is messy.   And when you stay in someone's home I don't think there's an understanding that they will be cleaning up your sex fluids left on their sheets.   And to boot, I think unless you are completely incapable of controlling the volume of your voice (which is generally for people with other medical issues and Austin Powers) then the girlfriend is already really pushing the boundaries if she's not able to keep it down.    
    IMO, if the LW allows this then she's going to need to scrub her sofa.
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    They need a place to stay the whole summer?!  I wouldn't care if they spent the holidays voluntarily decluttering my closets and teaching my 4-year-old French, the answer would be no.  My annoyance over the loud sex wouldn't compare to my frustration with H, who, I imagine, probably made LW sound like a bit more of the bad guy and himself as more of the messenger.
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