Dear Prudence,
My mother had a beautiful parrot for over a decade until it died five years ago. Ever since then, I’ve gotten a monthly update about “Polly.” (Think: “It’s raining today. Polly always loved the rain,” or “Happy Halloween, missing Polly.”) I understand my mother’s sadness at losing her pet and try to be supportive without letting our entire conversations be about Polly. My father chooses to do “whatever your mother needs” to grieve, which means their house is basically a Polly shrine and discussion of getting another pet is forbidden.
My fiancé and I plan to get married next summer, and my mother has already insisted someone mention Polly during my wedding. Originally, she wanted Polly mentioned in the formal speeches and among the family pictures at the reception, Polly-themed dessert and favors. I put my foot down and said my wedding will not become a bird funeral six years after the fact. My father told her she needs to tone down the Polly demands and told me I should do one small thing (he suggested Polly’s photo incorporated into my mom’s mother-of-the bride corsage). My fiancé privately laughs about the whole thing and says we should just elope anyway. I’m leaning toward eloping just to avoid dealing with my mom’s bird grief on a day that’s supposed to be about the love I have found with my fiancé. What do you think?
—Not a Bird Funeral