Dear Prudence,
Our parents are pretty old-fashioned and saved money for the future weddings of both their daughters. My wedding was called off when I learned my would-be husband had impregnated two different women. This was years ago. My sister is now engaged to “Meg,” whom I’ve never liked, because she’s always asking people to “spot” her for food, drinks, tickets, etc, and then forgetting to repay them. But she makes my sister happy, so I tried to be happy for them. They were supposed to be married in March, but that obviously didn’t happen because of the pandemic. They have had trouble getting their deposits back since several of the businesses went under, including the venue. Our parents are tapped out of money, and I know they feel awful about it. Meg—not my sister—approached me about my old wedding funds. She said the money must be “tainted” for me and was a sign that I was clinging to the past and unable to move on, that it would be a blessing to make my sister happy by giving it to them, and that I owed it to her because I treated her badly when she came out as a teenager. I admit that I was horrible to my sister when we were in high school. I lashed out at her and considered her sexuality an “easy target.” Once I grew up, I apologized to my sister, and she forgave me. I thought we had moved on. I told Meg I needed time to think.
I am terrified of saying the wrong thing and giving Meg ammunition against me. My sister loves her. I don’t want to even tell my parents because I know they will be upset on my behalf, and I don’t want to alienate my sister. But this conversation with Meg just sent up so many red flags. What do I do? Just pretend it never happened? Offer a few thousand as a bribe?
—Shaky Sister Support