Have you had a direct conversation about it? Or just straight up left?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been dating a great guy for about six months. We’re aligned on values, communication style, interests, and goals of a relationship. But he never answers the door in a reasonable time frame. We only hang out at his place (I live with roommates, and we want to decrease our risk), and it’s still too early for me to have a key, so I just knock when I arrive. Sometimes he’ll leave me waiting for five or 10 minutes outside. I’ve tried texting him my arrival time, texting when I’m parking, and giving lots of advance notice, but it doesn’t work. He is perpetually late, and I’m pretty sure he’s cleaning up his place or finishing a task while I wait outside. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it really bothers me! We live in a place with extreme weather, and I’m usually not dressed to stand around for 10 minutes. But mostly, it feels disrespectful of me and my time. Is this worth digging in my heels?

—Delayed at the Door

CharmedPam

“Meet you at ihop”.

but that’s just because I love a good rooty tooty fresh ‘n fruity. 

banana468

"Dude - open the fucking door."

10 minutes??    Repeatedly?  Nope. 

mrsconn23

It's DTMFA territory for me.  I mean, sure he's wonderful in other ways, but he's not respectful of LW's time.  I also don't think it's 'too early' to have a key, especially if it will quell this issue.  

But seriously,  LW's 'hints' aren't working.  It's time to have a firm conversation about how it makes LW feel when they're stuck outside waiting to be let in by their unresponsive boyfriend. If nothing changes, then it may be time to reevaluate. 

STARMOON44

When someone you are dating is rude to you repeatedly you break up. It’s quite simple. 

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

It's DTMFA territory for me.  I mean, sure he's wonderful in other ways, but he's not respectful of LW's time.  I also don't think it's 'too early' to have a key, especially if it will quell this issue.  

But seriously,  LW's 'hints' aren't working.  It's time to have a firm conversation about how it makes LW feel when they're stuck outside waiting to be let in by their unresponsive boyfriend. If nothing changes, then it may be time to reevaluate. 

Yup.   The first time I'll cut slack that your bowels are acting up or you're trying to clean up your mess.   I'll ask what's going on and then say, "Hey next time you know I'm coming over just leave the door open."

If it happens a second time he gets 120 seconds and I go. 

My time and I are valuable. 

charlotte989875

Tell him it feels disrespectful to you. Directly. And if he keeps doing it then you know he doesn’t really care about how his actions make you feel. 

short+sassy

It's funny we've been talking about "drop bys" on Thurs. thread, lol.

So here was me reading the letter:

I ask suspiciously, "Does he know you're coming?  Do you text him?  Maybe he has to throw real clothes on, if you're doing a drop-by?"

Oh!  You do text him.  He is expecting you.  You even text him when you are on your way and/or in the parking lot.  Okay, then.  Yeah, he's a jerk!

levioosa

This reminds me of FBIL. Back when we were still living with him he would have his (then GF, now wife) come over. He would tell us all day, “oh, she’s coming over at 6 pm.” And then at 5:55 he would jump into the shower. And he took the longest showers out of anyone I’ve ever met. Like a not exaggerated 45 min shower every time. So she would arrive at 6 pm, and we’d awkwardly let her in and make small talk trying to find a good window of opportunity to back away. That would have been a deal breaker for me. Respect my time.