Wedding Woes

Re: K

  • Alright, you guys can tell me if I’m crazy or not.
    heres my dilemma:
    corona has caused so much stress for us as I’m sure it’s caused for you guys. We’ve had to postpone once and every day it seems our venue tells us something different that we’re not allowed to do or makes new rules regarding what we can and can’t have (strange, we’ve been in phase 2 for a while now, things shouldn’t be constantly changing).
    anyways here’s my bridesmaid woes.
    My bridal party first of all is super small it’s my younger sister who is 24 my other younger sister who is 19 and my cousin who is 22.
    The 24-year-old sister and I always have had a tremulous relationship and it’s very love-hate. There’s always been a ton of competition between us for some reason and I can’t stand it I wish we could just get along and not have the constant competition of who is better prettier and more successful etc. it’s very juvenile I know...
    so I let them choose the dresses that they were getting and it took them forever to choose nothing was good enough nothing was pretty enough etc. etc. they finally find their dresses and order them.
    THEN 24 year old sis gets pregnant by guy she just met and then she has a shotgun wedding all within 5 months!! I couldnt help but feel like she was trying to “beat me”. Then we couldn’t find a new dress for her. (She grew out of the old one). It was so much drama trying to find a new dress that she liked and that fit her. I bought her a dress but of course it wasn’t cute enough now... three weeks before my wedding luckily the dress that she FINALLY decided on and purchased came in but not without stressing me out to the max worried she wouldn’t have a dress that worked for the wedding.. ps. It’s not even in the right color but whatever, I guess I have to pick my battles.
    So our wedding is in less than three weeks… And younger sister informed me that she planned to go on a trip to California one of the highest Covid states the week before our wedding. I’m LIVID. Obviously. (My cousin lives in SD and I know talked her into making a trip out there before she comes here for the wedding). They are trying to keep the out-of-town guest list to a minimum but there are obviously some people that have to fly in that can’t be helped. My sister is WILLINGLY doubling the risk because in her words “she’s bored”. So I obviously let all the stress get to me, yelled at all of them. And kicked them all out of the wedding. Pregnant sister is demanding I “fix everything” and “apologize” but I’m PISSED. And I dont feel I’m in the wrong! This entire wedding with them has been a NIGHTMARE. They’ve made everything so difficult. Everything has been a battle. For ex: When we first got engaged they will get upset when I would bring up a bachelorette party and daydream or try to think of fun ideas for us to do. “You never want to talk about meeee” “you never ask what’s going on in MY life” which isn’t true!!! And now that my sister is pregnant that’s all that we ever talk about!!! Anyways, help! My fiancé still wants his four groomsmen on his side and doesn’t think that it’s fair for him to have to kick out his entire wedding party just because my bridesmaids suck, and I agree!!! 
    Your bridesmaid don’t suck. 

    I agree the sister going to California is being irresponsible but she’s an adult and has to make her choices. You have to decide if having her at the wedding is important enough to risk exposing your guests. 

    You’re totally in the wrong about your sister who is pregnant. She didn’t get pregnant and married to spite you, or beat you, or whatever. Sometimes life happens in ways you don’t plan but your attitude toward her isn’t cool. Of course her dress doesn’t fit anymore, and of course she’s having a hard time finding a new being. That’s what being pregnant does to your body. Add to that stores have been closed, inventory low or nonexistent because of shipping delays and issues, I think that she got a dress should be good enough. 

    I don’t get why you kicked out the third one because it doesn’t sound like she has anything to do with all of this. 

    It sounds like there’s a lot of family drama here but you’re not making it any better. Having to navigate a wedding during a pandemic really sucks, but so does being pregnant in a pandemic, so does just trying to get through this all. I think you’re overreacting and need to reassess what is really important here. Have you asked them about their lives, have you been invested in what is going on with therm? They should also care and be invested in you and your milestones but more than one milestone can happen and be celebrated at the same time! 


    Jen4948ei34short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • Oh and there’s no reason for your FI not to have his friends.family stand up with him. 
    ei34short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • edited June 27
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I forgot to mention that the pregnant sister planned to have her gender reveal the month of our original wedding and then was talking about having a baby shower a few weeks before our rescheduled wedding date! 
    Coincidence???
    I wouldnt be as upset with pregnant sister if I felt that everyone was equally supportive and happy for eachother with all of their life changes. But being so berated for talking about our engagement or future wedding but then the hypocrisy of wanting to talk about her baby all the time? Anyways, YEAH whole lotta fam drama!
    I kicked out the third bridesmaid because she was arguing with me about statistics regarding corona and was the one convincing my 19 yr old sis to come out and visit her THE WEEK BEFORE MY WEDDING. 
    At this point I don’t even expect them to help out or do any bridesmaid duties all I expected from them was to show up and be in their dress and not risk their health and everyone else’s health if it could be avoided! 
    So this leaves me with a question would it look weird if he had four groomsmen up there and I just had no one? I think it’s worth cutting all my bridesmaids because it also cuts the headache
    The whole story gives me a headache, so just to answer the last paragraph - no, it won't look weird.  Sides don't have to be even.  

    I can't walk in your shoes so I'm just not getting the vitriol towards the pregnant sister.  I will say you sound super judgey with the "guy she just met" comment.

    Your 19-yr-old sister is being really irresponsible traveling to a high-risk area out of boredom.  I also think hosting a wedding right now in a Phase 2 area is irresponsible.  The "things constantly changing" with your venue, DJ, etc  is really standard, and probably what made the most sense to me in your posts.  
    levioosaOliveOilsMom
  • I forgot to mention that the pregnant sister planned to have her gender reveal the month of our original wedding and then was talking about having a baby shower a few weeks before our rescheduled wedding date! 
    Coincidence???
    I wouldnt be as upset with pregnant sister if I felt that everyone was equally supportive and happy for eachother with all of their life changes. But being so berated for talking about our engagement or future wedding but then the hypocrisy of wanting to talk about her baby all the time? Anyways, YEAH whole lotta fam drama!
    I kicked out the third bridesmaid because she was arguing with me about statistics regarding corona and was the one convincing my 19 yr old sis to come out and visit her THE WEEK BEFORE MY WEDDING. 
    At this point I don’t even expect them to help out or do any bridesmaid duties all I expected from them was to show up and be in their dress and not risk their health and everyone else’s health if it could be avoided! 
    So this leaves me with a question would it look weird if he had four groomsmen up there and I just had no one? I think it’s worth cutting all my bridesmaids because it also cuts the headache
    I mean, how far along is she? There’s only so much time to do a shower especially given Covid restrictions. But that’s not really the point, it sounds like you see this as some sort of competition for what, attention, time? That’s not how it works; I’m not saying you have to talk baby 24:7 with her but you can’t expect people talk wedding 24:7 either. No one is ever as into dreaming about your future wedding as you are, and that can be tough, but you also can’t expect that out of people either. 

    Also, there are no duties- all you should expect is them to show up in their dress, on time. 

    But to answer your question, no it wouldn’t look weird. But you may want to think about trying to mend things here, kicking out your family is a big deal with potentially big ramifications. These people are your family, not headaches. 
    levioosashort+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • I still think your sister is ridiculous for traveling right now because she’s bored. 

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 28
    How’d you predict a dd @charlotte989875 and @ei34

    Eta to add thanks! Didn't get around to this till now

    Jen4948mrsconn23
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    How’d you predict a dd @charlotte989875 and @ei34

    Eta to add thanks! Didn't get around to this till now

    @charlotte989875 /maybe i will we probably agree, but for me the DD vibes started with being angry with her vendors for "constantly changing the rules" amid a pandemic, and were clinched a few paragraphs later by the whole the reaction to sister's pregnancy.
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I love when people say "I don't understand why we have such a tumultuous relationship; I wish we could just get along" and then launch into paragraphs about how they create drama and childish conflict at every turn. 
    levioosaSTARMOON44OliveOilsMom
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