Keep your boundaries - Letter 2

short+sassy

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I moved into a new rental about two months ago. One of our elderly neighbors lives alone and is obviously lonely. He knocks on our door to tell us a package has been delivered, or he flags us down in the driveway to tell us he saw someone leave our house last week to take a bike ride (my husband, obviously). I responded by sending over food a few times, just an extra helping of whatever I was cooking, but then he started taking in our trash cans from the curb and other little “helpful” but invasive things.

Sometimes I think he plays dumb to prolong a conversation, like asking if it’s possible to buy plane tickets online (he was a math professor at a world-renowned university, and the internet has been around for decades). I can empathize, but it gets draining. What are my rights and what are my obligations? I want to be helpful when I can. But I don’t want to worry that he’s about to pop up in front of our window carrying our trash cans when I’m trying to relax at home.

—Too Neighborly

charlotte989875

Sounds like he’s lonely, but it’s not your responsibility to entertain him. If you don’t want to chat say “thanks for bringing in the cans Bill, I’ve got a Zoom call I need to get to. See you later”. 

short+sassy

On the one hand, I think it would be nice if they invited the neighbor over once in awhile for coffee (once it's safe),  But on the other, the sad thing is it might exacerbate the problem.

Their best bet is to keep conversations friendly, but short.  Even if that means making excuses.

If there are things he does the LW finds invasive, make a polite request to stop.  But, I gotta say, bringing in their trash cans?  My neighbors and I do that for each other all the time.  Maybe the home set-up is different where it's startling or right by a window, but it is hard for me to picture that being "invasive".

ILoveBeachMusic

short+sassy said:

On the one hand, I think it would be nice if they invited the neighbor over once in awhile for coffee (once it's safe),  But on the other, the sad thing is it might exacerbate the problem.

Their best bet is to keep conversations friendly, but short.  Even if that means making excuses.

If there are things he does the LW finds invasive, make a polite request to stop.  But, I gotta say, bringing in their trash cans?  My neighbors and I do that for each other all the time.  Maybe the home set-up is different where it's startling or right by a window, but it is hard for me to picture that being "invasive".

Granted, times have changed but this was considered being neighborly where I grew up and actually in my neighborhood now too. Matter of fact, when we were moving my mom up (several years ago) there was a snow storm. When we arrived home after a long drive, we discovered one of our neighbors had plowed our driveway. H has also plowed elderly neighbors' driveways. We also know all our neighbors so maybe that is the difference.