Univiting people who didn't RSVP?

badtrashwedding

Hello everyone,

New here, but I was wondering if someone could help me with this issue. It goes without saying that the pandemic this year has really caused a lot of stress.

We decided to downsize and limit the our wedding ceremony to family. We've contacted everyone who had already RSVP'd to check their status and let them know the changes. However, we did have a large number of people from our original guest list that did not RSVP. We hadn't sent out RSVP reminders because it was the middle of the initial lockdown, and we didn't know what was happening with the wedding until recently. Now it's just a few weeks until the wedding.

Should I contact all these people and officially tell them that they are uninvited? If they did not RSVP in the first place, I don't want to add to the awkwardness and my stress. However, even in normal times weddings have trouble with people showing up anyways (which would be unfortunate if they did because the location is now different from the original invitation soo...). I feel like I emphasized enough to check our website, and I provided several means of contact for both myself and my fiancé if they really wanted to check in on the situation.

I'm worried that people will get mad at me for not updating them, but again...if you didn't RSVP how would I know you were planning on coming?

missJeanLouise

badtrashwedding said:

Hello everyone,

New here, but I was wondering if someone could help me with this issue. It goes without saying that the pandemic this year has really caused a lot of stress.

We decided to downsize and limit the our wedding ceremony to family. We've contacted everyone who had already RSVP'd to check their status and let them know the changes. However, we did have a large number of people from our original guest list that did not RSVP. We hadn't sent out RSVP reminders because it was the middle of the initial lockdown, and we didn't know what was happening with the wedding until recently. Now it's just a few weeks until the wedding.

Should I contact all these people and officially tell them that they are uninvited? If they did not RSVP in the first place, I don't want to add to the awkwardness and my stress. However, even in normal times weddings have trouble with people showing up anyways (which would be unfortunate if they did because the location is now different from the original invitation soo...). I feel like I emphasized enough to check our website, and I provided several means of contact for both myself and my fiancé if they really wanted to check in on the situation.

I'm worried that people will get mad at me for not updating them, but again...if you didn't RSVP how would I know you were planning on coming?

I think the proper thing to do is to send an announcement to everyone invited to the original event that it will not happen as planned, sorry for any inconvenience. Then to send out invitations to the new event to the people you wish to invite. 

It is never proper to talk to someone about an event they aren't invited to.

MesmrEwe

This is a CYA contact those who hadn't RSVP'd yet - the last thing you need is people showing up that thought they did RSVP or assumed you knew they were coming no matter what.  

climbingsingle

badtrashwedding said:

Hello everyone,

New here, but I was wondering if someone could help me with this issue. It goes without saying that the pandemic this year has really caused a lot of stress.

We decided to downsize and limit the our wedding ceremony to family. We've contacted everyone who had already RSVP'd to check their status and let them know the changes. However, we did have a large number of people from our original guest list that did not RSVP. We hadn't sent out RSVP reminders because it was the middle of the initial lockdown, and we didn't know what was happening with the wedding until recently. Now it's just a few weeks until the wedding.

Should I contact all these people and officially tell them that they are uninvited? If they did not RSVP in the first place, I don't want to add to the awkwardness and my stress. However, even in normal times weddings have trouble with people showing up anyways (which would be unfortunate if they did because the location is now different from the original invitation soo...). I feel like I emphasized enough to check our website, and I provided several means of contact for both myself and my fiancé if they really wanted to check in on the situation.

I'm worried that people will get mad at me for not updating them, but again...if you didn't RSVP how would I know you were planning on coming?

The people that didn't RSVP, did  you contact them directly. I was invited to a wedding that supposed to take place in August (now canceled), and I actually never even received the invitation. When the bride called to tell me she didn't get my RSVP, she said I was actually one of MANY whose invite was lost in the mail. 

banana468

badtrashwedding said:

Hello everyone,

New here, but I was wondering if someone could help me with this issue. It goes without saying that the pandemic this year has really caused a lot of stress.

We decided to downsize and limit the our wedding ceremony to family. We've contacted everyone who had already RSVP'd to check their status and let them know the changes. However, we did have a large number of people from our original guest list that did not RSVP. We hadn't sent out RSVP reminders because it was the middle of the initial lockdown, and we didn't know what was happening with the wedding until recently. Now it's just a few weeks until the wedding.

Should I contact all these people and officially tell them that they are uninvited? If they did not RSVP in the first place, I don't want to add to the awkwardness and my stress. However, even in normal times weddings have trouble with people showing up anyways (which would be unfortunate if they did because the location is now different from the original invitation soo...). I feel like I emphasized enough to check our website, and I provided several means of contact for both myself and my fiancé if they really wanted to check in on the situation.

I'm worried that people will get mad at me for not updating them, but again...if you didn't RSVP how would I know you were planning on coming?

I'm a little confused.   When did you send invitations and when was your response date?  When was that in relation to your wedding date and has that changed?  

Reality is that your response date should only be a couple weeks from the wedding.   So if you asked for a response date far in advance this may be part of the issue. 

Let this be an understanding for the future: your response date needs to be no more than one month out from the event.   Any more than that is asking way too much of guests who are going to be unable to commit to making those plans.   Now in the time of pandemic and quarantines that's even more likely because things can change on weeks or even a few days' notice based on new rules / regulations imposed by states and international governments. 

At this point, if you CAN host all those you invited you need to pick up the phone and contact each guest who has not yet responded to check on their status.   Only then can you be sure that they are not attending.

For what it's worth, we were married nearly 13 years ago.   We sent two invitations to sisters living together and one was delivered and one was returned MANY weeks later.   We only re-sent the invitation because the sister said, "Why did my 75 year old sister get the invitation but not me?"     We still had to chase down responses and some were, "Of course I'm coming!" and for others we still don't know if they're going to attend.   You do need to uphold your end of the bargain though.   Once invited, you can't rescind the invitation unless you plan to completely change your wedding or you plan to remove that person from your life.