Wedding Woes

This letter makes me sad for LW.

Dear Prudence,

Over the past three years I’ve lost a lot of weight. I look different, but I don’t feel like an entirely new person. I have always liked myself and known my worth. In the past six months, several of my friends have asked me out. Two of them had turned me down (kindly) back when I was a bigger size. The third is my close friend and long-term crush, Michael. I do have feelings for him, and the thought of kissing him makes my mouth run dry. At the same time, I’m still processing how much better people treat me now that I’m thin. It’s painful to navigate, and while Michael has always been great to me, I become anxious whenever I think about the role my skinniness played in his attraction to me. I want to date Michael, but I don’t know how to start or have this conversation with him.

—Suddenly Popular

Re: This letter makes me sad for LW.

  • Yes, LW, society does just suck that much.  And I'm going to assume you're a woman.  Not because your crush is male.  But because the "thin is attractive" emphasis in our society is substantially more for...women.

    Here's the bottom line.  Michael wasn't attracted to you when you were a larger size.  Period.  I'm not even going to judge that.  Attraction is both a biological urge and very early socialization of what's "attractive" that we largely can't control, even if it is for terrible reasons.

    It sounds like the LW wants to date Michael, despite that.  This might be an UO, but I think she should.  But only if she can come to terms with the hard truth.  The sad thing is, that might be the same truth for even new men that she goes on dates with.  It just won't be as "in her face" as it is with people who knew her before the weight loss.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    VarunaTTcharlotte989875downtondiva
  • This is so hard.   Fat shaming seems to be one of the "acceptable" biases thrown around.  
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • If you want to date Michael, date Michael. But you may have to reckon with your feelings about whether he wanted to date you before. 

    Also, people suck. 
    cupcait927short+sassy
  • Very likely fat-shaming prior to weight loss, but is it possible that as much as LW is confident, they could be aluding more confidence with weight loss?
    I had a friend who was vastly confident and is a heavier girl but when she lost some weight {not a lot but health reasoning she had to change things that ended up with weight loss}
    Afterwards, she did seem different. Maybe she felt better with her health?

    Regardless, how these people are now acting around LW is just ... weird. It's weird. She's same person as before.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards