Am I just being petty?

pizzalvr11

I have multiple coworkers invited to my wedding. One of which is getting married as well. She was showing me dresses that she has tried on. She came to a dress that she said "made her look fat". It was my dress. I also know I'm a bigger size than she. It really irritated me, however I never told her that particular dress was mine. But now I'm mad and don't want to invite her to my wedding. 

CharmedPam

Yes, you are.

is this MUD?  Are we that slow around here?

MNNEBride

Yes, you are being petty.  Not every dress is meant for every bride.  She didn't like that particular dress on her and has no idea it was your chosen one.  It wasn't meant to be a dig at you - don't take it personally.  Also, why are you mad?  It just means you won't both be wearing the same dress!

MyNameIsNot

ocgirl11 said:

I have multiple coworkers invited to my wedding. One of which is getting married as well. She was showing me dresses that she has tried on. She came to a dress that she said "made her look fat". It was my dress. I also know I'm a bigger size than she. It really irritated me, however I never told her that particular dress was mine. But now I'm mad and don't want to invite her to my wedding. 

I don't think you're being petty, but I do think you're being ridiculous. She didn't know that dress was yours; she didn't say anything about how it made you look. She said it didn't look good on her. That has nothing to do with you at all, and I'm not seeing how you're coming up with an insult here. 

You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to, but if you've already sent the invitation you can't uninvite them. 

pizzalvr11

What's with the gif and calling me slow... kinda rude. 

short+sassy

Has she already been invited or led to believe she was invited, even if it was verbally?  If so, then yes, you still need to invite her.

Or, is this a situation where you would be inviting all your coworkers from a particular work group or something like that and it would be an obvious omission if you didn't invite her?  That would be another case where the answer would be you should still invite her.  That's why it can sometimes be tricky to invite coworkers to social events because they are people you see and work with every day.  It makes it especially difficult to deal with awkwardness and hard feelings.

If neither of the above situations are true, then you don't have to invite her if you don't want to.  But I do think that is an odd and petty reason not to.  She had no way to know that was your dress!  So she wasn't insulting you.  Nor does it take away your thunder if she happened to have tried on your dress.  We are our own worst critics and just because she thought she looked fat in it, doesn't mean she would have those same thoughts about you.

I don't think the different sizes matter.  Dresses are more an issue of taste and/or body shape.  The dress might have very well looked terrible on her, but looks fabulous on you.  There are all kinds of styles that are a horror on me, but look great on other people and vice versa.  That's true for everyone.

banana468

There's too much to unpack here.   If it's real:

-It could be your dress and how you look in it may not make YOU look fat.   Every body is different.   I would have looked atrocious in a strapless gown and was a size 4 when I got married.   I just would have looked lumpy in the wrong spots.    

-She didn't say "YOU look fat".

-If she's already invited you can't uninvite her. 

-This is also a coworker situation.   Tread lightly on adding any issues when you are mixing business and pleasure. 

ILoveBeachMusic

ocgirl11 said:

What's with the gif and calling me slow... kinda rude. 

No one called you slow and that gif is part of Pam's signature. Your question was answered by other PPs.

downtondiva

She did not call you fat or say that the dress would make you look fat. She said she thought the dress made HER look fat. I understand why it made you uncomfortable, but it's not worth being mad over and certainly not worth causing friction with a coworker by withdrawing an invite (even if only a verbal one).

MesmrEwe

Be like Elsa...  

climbingsingle

ocgirl11 said:

I have multiple coworkers invited to my wedding. One of which is getting married as well. She was showing me dresses that she has tried on. She came to a dress that she said "made her look fat". It was my dress. I also know I'm a bigger size than she. It really irritated me, however I never told her that particular dress was mine. But now I'm mad and don't want to invite her to my wedding. 

If this is real and not MUD, yes you're absolutely being petty. 

mrsconn23

If it's not MUD.  There's so many layers in these few short sentences.   

Yes, if you rescind an invitation to your wedding because she said your dress/dress style makes her feel like she looks 'fat', it's petty. 

She wasn't feeling that way at you.  She was feeling some way about herself that seems to have nothing to do with anyone but her. 

Unless there's something else going on between you two that you didn't mention, it gives me the feeling like you're viewing your weddings as some sort of competition.  I implore you to give that some thought, and maybe take a step back.  We've seen plenty of little 'petty' things like this blow up into relationship ending events because of a narrative that was built up over either a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Or flat out someone assigning intention to a comment or situation that didn't ever exist. 

pizzalvr11

mrsconn23 said:

If it's not MUD.  There's so many layers in these few short sentences.   

Yes, if you rescind an invitation to your wedding because she said your dress/dress style makes her feel like she looks 'fat', it's petty. 

She wasn't feeling that way at you.  She was feeling some way about herself that seems to have nothing to do with anyone but her. 

Unless there's something else going on between you two that you didn't mention, it gives me the feeling like you're viewing your weddings as some sort of competition.  I implore you to give that some thought, and maybe take a step back.  We've seen plenty of little 'petty' things like this blow up into relationship ending events because of a narrative that was built up over either a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Or flat out someone assigning intention to a comment or situation that didn't ever exist. 

This was the most helpful. Thank you. But what does MUD stand for? 

MNNEBride

MUD = Made Up Drama