Dear Prudence,
This is embarrassing to write, but I had a strange “relationship” with my coach in high school. He started when I was a 16-year-old junior, and my home life was in total chaos. One of my parents was an alcoholic, and the other was dealing with a chronic illness. “Steven” was funny and in his late 40s and showered me with praise. He had a stellar reputation and was on a private contract (meaning he wasn’t employed directly by the school). When he took me under his wing, I was ecstatic. His approval meant the world to me.
We stayed in touch over phone and via email, even after I went off to college. He sent me birthday packages, teased me about college life (“You’re sleeping with all the football players, aren’t you?”), and even proposed to me over the phone. The problem was my reaction: I didn’t stop him. A big part of me felt loved. Sometimes I would tell guys at parties that I had a long-distance boyfriend. I recently told a close friend about this, and she scolded me for leading Steven on and engaging with him. I think I agree with her—I sent him selfies of myself in tight clothes and told him I would consider being with him. It’s shameful and disgusting, but I felt so special. Even though he stopped pursuing me my senior year of college, my actions haunt me. Was I groomed? Or was I just reckless? Or was it both?
—Groomed or Not?