Wedding Woes

Talk to roommate, to clear things up

My roommate and I have lived together for a year. Sometimes we act more like a couple than roommates, and I have feelings for him. He has made some comments that have given me pause: joking that we are like an old married couple or showing me a friend’s engagement ring and saying he would never get me one but if he did it would be “beautiful.” He has also come to visit my parents in my hometown and invited them over for dinner several times. But we’ve never talked about it, and I don’t have any hard evidence. I haven’t said anything because I’ve been scared to mess up our living situation or make him uncomfortable if he doesn’t feel the same way. We share a lot of friends, and I don’t have anywhere else I could easily move to right now, so there’s plenty at stake.

I spent some time away from him over the last few weeks and went on a few dates, hoping the feelings would subside a little, but they have not. I feel if I do not say something soon, I will regret it, because he is starting to grow a little distant. I am also working through this with a therapist who thinks I should talk to him, but I wanted to get your opinion. Is it ever worth it to tell someone your feelings if they might not be reciprocated and could mess up a good living situation? When should rationality outweigh feelings?
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Re: Talk to roommate, to clear things up

  • You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Things are already uncomfortable in your apartment, for you and potentially for him. They might also be uncomfortable for a bit if you do bring this up, but it's not like you're ruining the great thing you already have going if you go out on this limb.
  • Especially since the therapist agrees, I think the LW should have a talk with their roommate just to have a clear idea of where everyone stands.  Obviously the roommate has already made "jokes" hinting at romantic feelings.  Maybe they mean something, maybe they don't.  But the LW can never move on if they keep thinking "maybe".

    I think this can even be done a little casually, so the roommate/friend relationship can be saved if the roommate does not have the same feelings.  Something along the lines of "you've said XYZ", I've been wondering if you are hinting at or open to a romantic relationship.  Because, if you are, I'm open to it also.  But, if you're not, that's cool to.  I just want to know where we stand.
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  • If things are already weird, why not take a shot? It sucks if he doesn’t feel the same way but doesn’t it suck now in limbo?
  • Absolutely tell him but you’re hesitating because you already know the answer: he isn’t interested. He’s pulling away. You aren’t acting like a couple. 

    You should move out because continuing like this isn’t healthy. 
  • I agree with Starmoon. 
    Move out and see what happens. If you continue to hang out then good. But I don't think that will happen.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "Wanna make out?" 
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