Oy Monday

STARMOON44

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

@banana468 oh yeah for sure I am feeling a bit of that. I think the issue is she was adamant that 15 people be invited, and none of our local restaurants would take that large of a reservation for our doors, and also that she wanted something fancy. And I’m just not sympathetic to that tbh! There’s a pandemic, edit your guest list and do it anywhere outside. 

Ugh. That’s why I wanted to get some outside views because, this one thing aside, I do really love her and don’t want to be making this decision out of pettiness. 

IMO it isn't petty.   

She's refusing to accept the reality of the situation.  I'm not saying the above about myself because boo hoo what about my party and am relaying that DH WAS going to plan something until a pandemic hit.     His was a catered event in the party room of a local pub.   If I get a 41st birthday party or no party then whatever.   Sometimes life isn't fair and you have to accept it and move on. 

I have no sympathy for her.  She could find a different place or reduce her guest list and instead she's refusing to compromise.    It wouldn't be a situation of pettiness for me.   You drew a line in the sand and she's now trying to to push it.  This isn't a negotiation of a car purchase where you're throwing out figures and seeing if the other person can meet you.  You told her what your no was.  Based on how you post here I am doubting that your message was ambiguous.   It's your health and the health of everyone on that list and she's turning a deaf ear to it. 

If I were you I'd just be clear, "Oh I won't be making it due to the concerns I have related to the pandemic but I wish you have a wonderful event.   Let's make plans to get together a few weeks (read: once we know your potential exposure issues related to this event are over) and I'll treat you to a wonderful dinner." 

Lol it certainly was not I said “eating inside? Without any windows? Absolutely not.”  And I feel like if I’m not going to be dramatic and upset she’s planned a party I already told her didn’t work for me, she needs to not be upset I decline to attend per my previous statement. 

But thanks for letting me process this here- I needed an outside voice. 

banana468

You can't control her feelings or her actions.   You can only control yourself.

But the older I get the less likely I am to do something that I think is ill-advised for me all to avoid a dramatic reaction.   I'll make the dessert MIL requested and will bite my tongue when needed because that's a social situation but this pushes that boundary.  

VarunaTT

@STARMOON44 I wouldn't go.  You already told her it wouldn't work for you, I see no reason to deviate from your stated reasons.

Since it's a wine cellar, maybe a decent bottle of wine for the birthday person?

I understand and I empathize with people being tired of this.  But surges are starting to happen again, hospitals are getting overwhelmed again, this this is not over just because we're all tired of it.

charlotte989875

I also wouldn’t go @STARMOON44. You’re NY/NJ right? We’re finally getting a handle on things I just wouldn’t be risking exposure, even if I didn’t have a baby at home. She’s literally taking the least amount of precautions possible (indoors, no circulation, > a few people) because she wants what she wants. I get it, I wanted a fancy dinner for my 35th this year, a weekend away for our 5th anniversary, & a baby shower- but I’m an adult and realize that the health and safety of my friends and family is more important than a party. 

MyNameIsNot

@STARMOON44, I wouldn't go either. I do sympathize with her. It sucks and it's getting really old. But there are so many well-meaning people who are bending the rules just a little for a special occasion that it's getting out of hand. You don't know what those other four people are doing; what if they're out going to raves every night? (I just learned today that people I know are going to raves. WTAF?) There are options to be outdoors; she opted to book an indoor dinner knowing you wouldn't be comfortable with it. 

If you did decide that it's a calculated risk that you opt to take, I would say it means having to self quarantine for two weeks following. 

banana468

VarunaTT said:

@STARMOON44 I wouldn't go.  You already told her it wouldn't work for you, I see no reason to deviate from your stated reasons.

Since it's a wine cellar, maybe a decent bottle of wine for the birthday person?

I understand and I empathize with people being tired of this.  But surges are starting to happen again, hospitals are getting overwhelmed again, this this is not over just because we're all tired of it.

My tiny town is now in the red.  We previously were mostly spared and now the rates here are higher than they were in April.  There are still people lamenting mask wearing and yet nearly every school in town has been closed due to cases at least once and yet I see people saying, "so what are we doing for Halloween?"   


I do not want to put my family nor other families in the position of viral exposure for candy.  Our kids can have a different type of event that night because they will understand!

STARMOON44

VarunaTT said:

@STARMOON44 I wouldn't go.  You already told her it wouldn't work for you, I see no reason to deviate from your stated reasons.

Since it's a wine cellar, maybe a decent bottle of wine for the birthday person?

I understand and I empathize with people being tired of this.  But surges are starting to happen again, hospitals are getting overwhelmed again, this this is not over just because we're all tired of it.

I’ve ordered her a Tiffany wine opener so she’s def getting a nice gift! 

ei34

That’d be a hard pass for me @STARMOON44. Your gift sounds really nice!  

@kvruns lovely pics!  And lol at Charlotte the cat sizing up Baby M 

kerbohl

@STARMOON44 That does sound like a lovely gift.  If it were me, I would pass.  Much as I would love, LOVE to go to a wine cellar, now is not the time.  Maybe you can let her know that, as you mentioned, you can't go to an indoor event right now but maybe once there are no cases the two of you can do something wine related together to celebrate.

ILoveBeachMusic

@kvruns great pics! @charlotte989875 I love the expression on the cat's face - too funny. 

@starmoon44 I concur with everyone. She picked it knowing you weren't comfortable so you should politely decline. It is behavior like this that has us where we (as a nation are). A lot of people are thinking if they just do this one thing it won't matter. However if everyone thought like that everyone would be going against recommendations. I hate feeling like the kid in school that follows all the rules but gets the group punishment. I'm so over all of this. I don't go to my gym (which I miss terribly), I don't see one group of friends, I'm not going to inside church nor is my bookclub meeting in person again until spring probably. Am I happy about it? No but it is the right thing to do. I want to see my kids and grandkids so I have to keep things tight. That is what adults do!

CharmedPam

@STARMOON44  I do like @banana468’s suggestion of a dinner just the 2 or 3 of you.  More intimate, and you can control the environement too (ie: outside)

Eta: chicago’s doctors are saying to stop having people over to your house, guess my kitchen reno will happen in the spring.  Fluck.

short+sassy

CharmedPam said:

@STARMOON44  I do like @banana468’s suggestion of a dinner just the 2 or 3 of you.  More intimate, and you can control the environement too (ie: outside)

Eta: chicago’s doctors are saying to stop having people over to your house, guess my kitchen reno will happen in the spring.  Fluck.

I was bummed on Saturday to see DOZENS of people playing basketball, smh.  There are community courts at the end of my street.  Yeah, it's outside.  But, of course, people can't/don't wear masks or stay 6 ft. away from each other playing basketball.  Plus, it's exercise, so I assume most of them are breathing hard...all over each other.

Which is extra disturbing for me, because I assume most of these people live right in my neighborhood.  Go to the same grocery and other retail stores that I do.  Some of them might even work at the stores around me.  I'd felt like, overall, most of the people of NOLA were doing so good in taking strides to keep the community safe.  But seeing outrageous s**t like that, too many aren't and I can't trust people.  I'm thinking about rearranging my own patterns.  Join that Walmart Plus and have my groceries delivered and/or only go to the grocery store later at night when it isn't as busy.

FWIW, the busy basketball court is very recent.  For months, even after the Stay At Home order ended, no one was using it.  I was so proud of my peeps.  Then I started seeing a small game here and there.  Not great but, okay.  Maybe it's families within their bubbles or at least I naively hoped.  I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I absolutely cannot understand how ANYONE thinks it's safe and fine to be in close proximity to dozens of people and not wear a mask.  Whether a social event, a bar, a basketball game, or whatever.

knottie7fafb6500ee487f2

I was also shocked to see the crowd on the outdoor basketball courts as I play regularly basketball outside at the nearby court from my home. People are not following sop's since the COVID is spreading due to the crowd at events. We need to use more sanitizers and wear masks in the crowds.

climbingsingle

What the hell is going on here...lol. 

@knottie7fafb6500ee487f2 this post is 4 months old.