Dear Prudence,
My spouse and I are expecting a child in early spring. This is particularly joyous, as we struggled with infertility for many years. Unfortunately, there was a recent death in the family. My in-laws included our unborn little one in the obituary—and they also included a name. The problem is that we haven’t named our little one. This gesture, while I’m sure kindly meant, was really bizarre and surprising. The name they wrote is indeed a contender on the middle name list (although this has really soured me on the name altogether). This also rubs me the wrong way because we have been really open with the family that we are strongly considering giving the baby a name from my (non-English) first language. I doubt this was meant to strong-arm us into a name, and more a strange reaction to grief, but the entitlement still irks me.
How should I respond to this? So far the response has been none, so as to be sensitive to the loss. In the coming months, however, do I laugh it off with a “That’s one way to vote on your favorite name,” or would a direct response be more appropriate?