Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Disregard post. Can’t delete

Can’t figure out how to delete this post. This was my first post and it wasn’t meant to be insensitive or offensive but I’m just going to delete my Knot account. 

Answers

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Are you having other little girls be flower girls? 

    I don't see an issue with having a little girl as ring bearer, but singling her out as the only little girl who would be ring bearer when other girls are flower girls has potential to separate her. I think you can avoid that by setting it up right, though. 
  • If she's older I wouldn't necessarily call her a ring bearer but instead a member of the bridal party...  Ask her (and her care giver) to be in your wedding party and bring up the rings, treat her like a BM equal, remember since she's in a chair that attire selection you'll need to be flexible (one area as a whole society hasn't kept up with, among a ton of things right now, there are different needs for someone in a seated position or getting tons of fabric caught in a wheel).  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 17
    Ok, I need some input. Neither my SO nor I have any little boys to have as our ring bearer. I have gotten really close to this  lady who is disabled. She has spina bifida among other physical limitations (wheelchair bound) and has the mental capacity of a young child. (I hope that doesn’t come across as insensitive. I love her dearly.) I would love to have her part of my special day and I know she would be thrilled. My thought was having her be the ring bearer. I know she can handle it and I’m ok if her caregiver has to help her get down the aisle. My question is, is that weird? Like, I don’t believe that role is reserved just for little boys. Thoughts?
    I just want to make sure I understand this. You want to ask a disabled adult to be your ring bearer? 

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oooh, just read Climbing Wife's response and re-read the post. I misread that this person was a child. If she's an adult, my previous response makes no sense.

    It's completely unacceptable to treat a disabled adult like a child. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This post has all sorts of ableism all over it. Don’t do this. Get her a corsage and tell her how happy you are to celebrate with her. But don’t treat her like a child. 


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    charlotte989875
  • PLEASE do not try to ask a grown up to do this.   That said, if you want this person in the wedding in an adult role I see it as fine.   

    FWIW I felt the same way when a friend told me that her grandmother was asked to be a flower girl (not in her wedding) and she didn't know why grandma found it upsetting.   The point is that the position was previously as position for a child.   And by putting a grown adult in that position it isn't about the intent but perception. 
    MesmrEweshort+sassy
  • edited November 18
    I don’t mean to disrespect her or anything, she’s also mentally handicapped and mentally she is around a 7 year old level. I sincerely don’t mean for that to sound insensitive, I don’t know how else to word it. I just thought she would have a blast being able to bring the rings up the aisle. I’m sorry if I offended anyone. 😞 I only thought of ring bearer because we don’t have one and like I said, I knew she would enjoy being able to bring us our rings. I will give her another position in the wedding party. 
  • levioosa said:
    This post has all sorts of ableism all over it. Don’t do this. Get her a corsage and tell her how happy you are to celebrate with her. But don’t treat her like a child. 
    I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any disrespect to her or anyone. Mentally she is around a 7 year old level and I just know she would be thrilled to be able to bring the rings to us. After reading the responses I feel like a real jerk. I did t mean to sound insensitive. I’m going to find her another position in the wedding party. Maybe we can find another groomsman for my groom and I will have her as a bridesmaid. Again, I apologize  
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    levioosa said:
    This post has all sorts of ableism all over it. Don’t do this. Get her a corsage and tell her how happy you are to celebrate with her. But don’t treat her like a child. 
    I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any disrespect to her or anyone. Mentally she is around a 7 year old level and I just know she would be thrilled to be able to bring the rings to us. After reading the responses I feel like a real jerk. I did t mean to sound insensitive. I’m going to find her another position in the wedding party. Maybe we can find another groomsman for my groom and I will have her as a bridesmaid. Again, I apologize  
    There is no reason to have even sides, and scrounging up an extra groomsman to match is insulting. Bridesmaid is fine. 
    climbingsingle
  • You could just ask her to be a bridesmaid. If you want to honor your relationship with her this is a great way to do it. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If she's an adult, it would make more sense to make her a bridesmaid. Don't give her a "special" role based on her abilities or lack thereof. That would be hurtful to someone you want to honor.
  • I hope you don't delete your account.   I think you had the best of intentions in this and don't think you meant any harm.   It's a learning experience.  
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