New COMPUTER Thursday!!

mrsconn23

OMG, I am FINALLY getting a new work computer.  Wahoo!  This POS is going buh-bye.  I've been fighting with this thing for months and it's been especially bad in the last couple.  

SSDD otherwise.  Prudie coming up.  

VarunaTT

Yay for new work computers.

Well, K finally reached out yesterday evening.  The conversation didn't go particularly well.  I showed a friend the texts and he was like, "it's literally like a switch went off" from I love you and want you to be the best to but you did all of this to me.  Then, when they wouldn't commit to speaking again until "if they get their thoughts together", I told them I had closed the joint checking.  And they exploded.  And it was all the same as it has been.  So, this is truly finished.  I can't see a way back and I'm not sure I particularly want to find it unless there'd be a true reckoning of behavior.  And since I'm no longer sure that honesty is in their character, I'm 99% sure that won't happen.

Back at work and the grind.  I've slept mostly solid the last 2 nights and weirdly, it's leaving me more tired b/c my body is just like MOAR PLEASE.  SSDD otherwise.

mrsconn23

Ugh @VarunaTT, what a difficult conversation, but it also sounds cleansing.  Yay for sleep.  I hope you can get all the sleeps this weekend.  

MissKittyDanger

@VarunaTT did their cowardice self take their shit too?

@mrsconn23 ahh the beauty of a new computer


Ensuing dumpster fire!

Yesterday go to renew my license. Apparently my level doesn't expire yet - extensions due to covid.
NOTHING ON THEIR SITE SAYS THIS!!
Waste my fucking time.

Then go to do my banking today. There's a $54.95 from door dash - any delivery is thru my credit, not debit.
So I called bank - they froze my online & debit and have to get a reset at the physical bank so they can give me new debit card.
Guh so frustrating.

charlotte989875

H signed his new contract yesterday!!! 

His new salary is 61% higher than his old one. It’s a really fantastic job and he’s so excited. He’s doing the drug test/ background check stuff today. But it’s all good! 

missJeanLouise

@mrsconn23 Yay! I hope your new computer makes your work days easier and more enjoyable.

@VarunaTT Sounds like the conversation solidified the end of the relationship for you. Which I consider a good thing, nothing is worse than the drag out of a breakup. Did they mention their plan for removing their belongings?

Nothing going on here. I found a turkey. I was starting to get worried, lol. We are having a smaller Thanksgiving than usual, but I feel like that is normal for 2020. Now I need to get the rest figured out so I can make a shopping list.

Oh! My friend had her baby yesterday! I am so excited for her. She was so over being pregnant, lol. AND her husband was offered a job with my husband so it was a good day for them.  

Casadena

I had my OB appointment on Tuesday and everything looks good so far!  I'm so relieved.  Baby had a strong heartbeat already and was measuring right on target, so fingers crossed that everything stays ok!

We told my family Tuesday night and my parents were super surprised and excited.  We're telling BIL/SIL this weekend and then the rest of H's immediate family when we see them for Thanksgiving. 

@charlotte989875 that is so exciting for you and H!!!  congrats!
@VarunaTT I'm glad you're starting to sleep better and hopefully got a little closure after last night.  
@climbingwife I hope you get some (good, preferably) news soon from your lawyer.  Thinking of you this week. 

charlotte989875

Such good news @Casadena!! How far along are you now? 

Casadena

charlotte989875 said:

Such good news @Casadena!! How far along are you now? 

8 weeks! We normally would wait a little longer to tell people but we may not see my parents for awhile and we already have plans to see H's fam next week.  It would be extremely unusual and obvious if I didn't drink at all on a holiday weekend with built-in childcare, so we figured we'd just tell everyone now!

OliveOilsMom

Varuna - Keep doing what is best for you!  I'm glad that you were able to start talking so K can figure out how to get their crap out of YOUR apartment.  Long term, this will be good for closure.

Casadena - Good baby news!  YAY!

Charlotte - Congrats to H! And that raise will be a super big help with a new baby!

MrsConn - Congrats for new computer! LOL!

Apparently Lifetime was filming a movie very close to my office yesterday and was using our parking lot for the actor's trailers.  I wanted to see if I new any of the people when I came into the office today and nothing is here!  They were using an empty townhome near my office as a location.  I work in a very cutesy old town.  But I arrived today and not one trailer! LOL!  I guess they moved to a different location after wrapping up yesterday. ::shrugs::

Not much today, I will pick up dinner on the way home from work.  I also need to decide where to get lunch from.  

I do feel like a crazy woman today though.  It's in the 30s today and I have a window open, my heater running and my desktop HEPA filter going too!  

climbingsingle

I am STILL waiting for my lawyer to update me. It's fine. I'm sure they are still trying to lowball me, so I'm just going to exist in this current happy bubble. 

I picked up my new couch yesterday (in a friend's truck so I saved on a delivery fee), and I am loving it! So happy! Things are slowly coming together. Next it the TV stand I've been lusting after that has a fireplace in it. 

short+sassy

@VarunaTT, I'm sorry the conversation you FINALLY had with K made things even worse.  Are they entitled to any of the money in the joint checking account?  I know they are leaving you in the lurch for their half of the rent, but am assuming they are mad because they feel some of that joint account money should be given to them?  I'm also curious if they said anything about when they will pick their stuff up.

@mrsconn23, yay new computer!

@MissKittyDanger, yesterday does sound very frustrating.  I hope you get everything worked out soon.  Although a different issue, I once had a GrubHub driver go and pick up my order.  Checked it off in the system that it had been delivered.  Except he hadn't!  I literally watched his little pin go to Taco Bell (my order).  And then drive straight to Metairie (city next door).  Where, in the 90 minutes I left that screen open, his car never moved again.  I guess he went back home to eat MY dinner.  I told GrubHub exactly that.  They reversed my charge and gave me a $10 credit for all the hassle.  I hope they barred that thief and liar from doing any more deliveries for them.

@charlotte989875, OMG, that's amazing!!!  It's so wonderful that he found a job he is excited about.  But what a huge bump in pay also!  I'm happy for you all.

I don't know if any of you use that Ibotta app that gives cash back on groceries and online purchases, etc.  But they are having a special right now with about 20 bucks worth of free Thanksgiving stuff (including a 3 lb. turkey breast) through Walmart Pickup or Delivery.  I picked my Walmart order up a couple days ago and saw the Ibotta e-mail today about my cash back for it.  I got $48 back from a $154 order!!!  Apparently I hit a $10 bonus that I didn't even know about, so that was a nice surprise.  Blatant ad: if you don't already have an Ibotta account, but are interested, please use my referral code tqyfqxr and that will give you a $20 welcome bonus.

My appraisals are scheduled for tomorrow!  Which coincidentally is also my birthday, lol.  I'm hoping my "present" is the appraiser valuing my properties on the high side and getting the appraisals to my lender by Wed.  There is a 4-day turnaround guarantee, once they see the properties.  But I assume that is 4 business days and Thanksgiving is a holiday.  When the appraiser called me to set up the appointment, I joked to him that it would almost be a "two for one" amount of work, because the buildings are the same size/condition and so are each unit.  So he can use the same comparables for both.  I hope that also translates into a faster turnaround time.

short+sassy

climbingwife said:

I am STILL waiting for my lawyer to update me. It's fine. I'm sure they are still trying to lowball me, so I'm just going to exist in this current happy bubble. 

I picked up my new couch yesterday (in a friend's truck so I saved on a delivery fee), and I am loving it! So happy! Things are slowly coming together. Next it the TV stand I've been lusting after that has a fireplace in it. 

Dang it!  I'm sorry to hear you are still waiting.

But I'm glad you like your new couch.  At least you have comfortable place to wait, lol.

I also have one of those electric fireplaces and I love it!  It's so pretty when you can't have a real one, lol.  It also does double duty as a big space heater.  We are planning to build built-in shelving all around it up to the top of our 14' ceilings.  My H said it would be easy to build one of those rolling ladders, too.  Squeee!!!!  Unfortunately, my excitement has a few months to wait before my H can get started on that, lol.  

MissKittyDanger

@short+sassy  that's crazy!! The flags for this is just - 1 I don't door dash. Only UberEats {we got burned by Skip the Dishes a couple times I refuse to go back} 2 nothing is linked to my debit.
So fraud ....fun.
Credit report seems fine but I'm keep an eye out

VarunaTT

We both would direct deposit into the joint account, leave our halves of the joint bills in it, then transfer our leftover monies out into our personal.  I moved my direct deposit on Thursday.  Both of us transferred our full checks out of the account on Friday (payday for both of us), though for the 2nd half of the month, that's fairly normal.  I found out what happened on the same Friday.  They always had to leave portions of their checks b/c they were paid weekly.  There was $232 in the account left that was theirs.  I transferred that to their personal account, leaving the joint at $0 and then I was able to sign to close it.  I did that on Friday afternoon....day 6 of no communication.

Their opening text last night was to give their mother a day and they would Facetime with their mother about what needed to go (apparently they are under quarantine until the 25th, which hopefully means I should be fine, since they have been gone since the 7th).  They apparently have not realized I changed everything at the apartment either.

I don't know what they are thinking or doing, still.  And that's okay.  I have to move forward with unweaving our life, b/c I cannot exist in limbo.  I feel like they've made their choice; for whatever reason their behavior shows them denying that choice.  My therapist telling me they weren't committing with vague promises of communication, with no timeframe, has really resonated with me.  I never would've ghosted them for 10 days, no matter what happened between us.  And they wouldn't commit to speaking again last night.  I specifically said, "I think it's fair to ask for a timeframe.  Tomorrow night same time?"  And they said, "If I have my thoughts together."  That is not a commitment to anything but themselves being in control of themselves.

I'm reading an article about breaking up with someone who has borderline personality disorder and it's painful b/c of it's truths.  Right now, I'm unsure of texting their mother to find out about this weekend, so I'm going to sit with that for a little while.  I don't have to make a decision right now about that.

charlotte989875

Casadena said:

charlotte989875 said:

Such good news @Casadena!! How far along are you now? 

8 weeks! We normally would wait a little longer to tell people but we may not see my parents for awhile and we already have plans to see H's fam next week.  It would be extremely unusual and obvious if I didn't drink at all on a holiday weekend with built-in childcare, so we figured we'd just tell everyone now!

Ha! That’s exactly why we told our families at Christmas last year because they would ABSOLUTELY wonder why I wasn’t having a glass (or more) of wine. 

climbingsingle

short+sassy said:

climbingwife said:

I am STILL waiting for my lawyer to update me. It's fine. I'm sure they are still trying to lowball me, so I'm just going to exist in this current happy bubble. 

I picked up my new couch yesterday (in a friend's truck so I saved on a delivery fee), and I am loving it! So happy! Things are slowly coming together. Next it the TV stand I've been lusting after that has a fireplace in it. 

Dang it!  I'm sorry to hear you are still waiting.

But I'm glad you like your new couch.  At least you have comfortable place to wait, lol.

I also have one of those electric fireplaces and I love it!  It's so pretty when you can't have a real one, lol.  It also does double duty as a big space heater.  We are planning to build built-in shelving all around it up to the top of our 14' ceilings.  My H said it would be easy to build one of those rolling ladders, too.  Squeee!!!!  Unfortunately, my excitement has a few months to wait before my H can get started on that, lol.  

I always, always wanted a fireplace and Fuckface had a million reasons why "No". Even to the electric ones. Asshole. So yes, I'm very happy about it..haha. 

That sounds awesome about the built-ins and ladder!! 

short+sassy

@VarunaTT, well with that further information, it is puzzling they were mad about closing the joint account.  My next thought is the anger came from realizing you have accepted the breakup.  Are not crawling and begging them to take you back.  And are promptly taking the steps to cut ties and disengage them from your life.

I totally agree with you on the 10 days of ghosting.  I don't care how bad a break up is, the other person deserves to have a conversation or two about it.  And most definitely needs to respond to pertinent matters related to it.  The only exception I can think of is in cases of abuse or stalking (making that as a general statement). 

MyNameIsNot

Wow, so much good news! It's such a great thing to open the daily post and have it filled with happy news. 

@mrsconn23 Yay for computer
@climbingwife Yay for couch and fireplace (I want to see the fireplace thing!)
@charlotte989875 Congrats to your H on the job and raise!
@Casadena That's fantastic news about the baby and baby announcements!
@missJeanLouise Congrats to your friend!
@VarunaTT Yay for steps toward closure and your next step. You are so amazing!

Nothing much here. It's a beautiful day. I'm going to skip out of work early and to go get my boobs squished. We got approval this week to extend the two contractors on our team through Q1. While that doesn't mean a whole lot, by manager says it's a good sign that our group is not likely to be impacted by this reorg. 

CharmedPam

super busy so will check in later but wantes to ask; 

Anyone who is good with dogs/has dogs/knows about dogs?  Want to get this for M’s dog.  Dog lovers approve of this?

Advent Calendar for Dogs with 35 All Natural Treats https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08LG15ZM9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_CrQTFbVWJT527

VarunaTT

CharmedPam said:

super busy so will check in later but wantes to ask; 

Anyone who is good with dogs/has dogs/knows about dogs?  Want to get this for M’s dog.  Dog lovers approve of this?

Advent Calendar for Dogs with 35 All Natural Treats https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08LG15ZM9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_CrQTFbVWJT527

This is awesome.  And even if he can't give it to his dog, I would be super impressed with someone giving me a gift like this for my dogs.

ei34

Congrats @charlotte989875! Yay for the couch @climbingwife and computer @mrsconn23
I’m glad that you were able to communicate w K @VarunaTT, although sorry it was such a frustrating convo 

This week has absolutely dragged.  I can’t believe it’s only Thursday.  I don’t even have fun weekend plans, just want to get to the weekend.

VarunaTT

short+sassy said:

@VarunaTT, well with that further information, it is puzzling they were mad about closing the joint account. 

Because I messed up their paycheck for this week.  Apparently they didn't move their direct deposit, they were just going to let it ride?  They tried to blame it on the fact that their checkbook is still in the apartment, b/c I didn't give them time to get it last Sunday.  Well, I don't even have checks for my account; I asked the bank for a letter to switch my direct deposit. They can do the same.  Also, glad you grabbed your roller derby trophies (of no value) and pageant crowns, but you didn't get your checkbook?  WTF.

They have to start taking responsibility; you signed contracts, you had legal obligations in this relationship.  And you made it look like you bounced.  **shrug**  I'm rather floored they didn't think I would take these actions, TBH.  I might have some self-esteem issues happening, I might feel beaten down, but they know I don't sit around and let things happen to me.

banana468

I can't imagine that she's surprised you didn't protect your own finances in all of this when there was nothing know about what she'd do.  

I love DH dearly but if all signs pointed to him being gone and never returning I'd head to the bank before I went to a lawyer. 

VarunaTT

banana468 said:

I can't imagine that she's surprised you didn't protect your own finances in all of this when there was nothing know about what she'd do.  

I love DH dearly but if all signs pointed to him being gone and never returning I'd head to the bank before I went to a lawyer. 

At this point, it merely points to another massive red flag of their immaturity and other problems.

banana468

VarunaTT said:

banana468 said:

I can't imagine that she's surprised you didn't protect your own finances in all of this when there was nothing know about what she'd do.  

I love DH dearly but if all signs pointed to him being gone and never returning I'd head to the bank before I went to a lawyer. 

At this point, it merely points to another massive red flag of their immaturity and other problems.

An overwhelming sense of self-worth but also lack of ability to take responsibility? 

OliveOilsMom

Pam - They are made in Germany, so I would get it!  I'm weary of the food stuffs made in China.  If you have an Aldi near you, they always have TONS of different advent calendars.  I'm in NJ and Aldi's can't sell booze (grocery stores have to have a smaller sub-store within to sell it), but they have wine, beer and liquor advent calendars!

Varuna - You work at a law firm.  So I'm assuming your office goes through lots of banker boxes? The box that banker boxes come in are huge - we call them the box of boxes here.  Those big boxes fit so much stuff!!!  They were my favorite for moving.  You can just dump K's stuff in them to start getting them out of your apartment.  Oopsy if the checkbook gets put in the middle of one of those too! 

CharmedPam

Thanks!  Yeah, I’m thw best dog stepmom!  Lol

does anyone follow Juggling The Jenkins? I saw Tiffany and her hubby play the heads up phone game, and I guess Ellen endorses it - but have you downloaded it?!? M and I played it yesterday and it was a LOT of fun.  We had so much fun together. It’s $0.99 cents for the download but the cards quickly repeated themselves, so I ended up paying $19.99 for the expansion pack. Well worth it.

It’s exactly like “headbands”, where you get the other team (one other person is fine) to try to guess the word, but it’s electronic obviously.  

There was one point when the word was “cleavage” and he said “you have it right here” and points to his chest and I said “heart” and he said “no, the line down the middle” and I said “cleavage!” And then I stopped the game and was so proud that I had cleavage to even point out.  “Awww I do?” Best $7,500 spent.  For that moment alone.  A year ago he wouldn’t have been able to say that.

@VarunaTT, I’m shocked that they’re shocked you did all that.  Like @banana468 said, it’s the first thing one would do after a breakup.  Stay strong!  You obviously are! And soon this will be over.
@charlotte989875, so happy for you!  Hope your H loves the new position.  He was not out of work very long and it looks like ya’ll came out ahead!
@mrsconn23, glad you fought the good fight and got what you wanted! 

short+sassy

VarunaTT said:

short+sassy said:

@VarunaTT, well with that further information, it is puzzling they were mad about closing the joint account. 

Because I messed up their paycheck for this week.  Apparently they didn't move their direct deposit, they were just going to let it ride?  They tried to blame it on the fact that their checkbook is still in the apartment, b/c I didn't give them time to get it last Sunday.  Well, I don't even have checks for my account; I asked the bank for a letter to switch my direct deposit. They can do the same.  Also, glad you grabbed your roller derby trophies (of no value) and pageant crowns, but you didn't get your checkbook?  WTF.

They have to start taking responsibility; you signed contracts, you had legal obligations in this relationship.  And you made it look like you bounced.  **shrug**  I'm rather floored they didn't think I would take these actions, TBH.  I might have some self-esteem issues happening, I might feel beaten down, but they know I don't sit around and let things happen to me.

Oh, okay!  I guess I can see why that was annoying for them.  100% their fault!  But annoying nonetheless.  

It's hilarious that it's your fault K forget to grab their checkbook.  And exactly.  The only thing needed to change direct deposit accounts is the routing and account number.

I actually had a bank do this to me and was livid about it.  My original checking account was with First NBC.  Who apparently had so much bad debt, they got into hot water with the FDIC.  They were given a deadline to shut down and it turned into a frustrating and annoying 6-month process while Hancock-Whitney started transitioning customer accounts over to themselves.  

Then I received a mailed letter one day from H-W.  I got it on a Wednesday night.  With my new routing number and account number.  It was taking effect on Friday.  A ONE DAY notice.  Really.  Unfortunately, I did have a direct deposit hitting on that Friday.  I scrambled on Thursday to get it changed...to an account I had at a totally different bank...but OF COURSE it was too late to change the one already in process for Friday.

I then had to wait for that direct deposit to get bounced back to the company paying me.  It took them a few days to re-process it through their system.  Then it was another few days to finally hit my account.  I was so mad, I closed that Hancock-Whitney one as soon as my direct deposit was safely in my other account.  I was just glad I didn't have any bills/debits going through H-W at the time or those would have bounced for a "no account" also. 

short+sassy

CharmedPam said:

super busy so will check in later but wantes to ask; 

Anyone who is good with dogs/has dogs/knows about dogs?  Want to get this for M’s dog.  Dog lovers approve of this?

Advent Calendar for Dogs with 35 All Natural Treats https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08LG15ZM9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_CrQTFbVWJT527

As along as his dog is pretty open with the treats it likes, I think this looks so cute and fun!  I like how one of the pics in the Amazon review is a baby sitting right in front of it and fascinated (per the reviewer).

Now I'm tempted to get one for my dog, lol.  But she is picky about the doggie treats she likes.  Now "people food" is a different story!  She can hear the crinkle of the shredded cheese bag or "pop" of the feta shaker from across the house and will come running, lol.

My H eats a lot of vanilla ice cream.  And it just occurred to us recently that we had never given her ice cream.  So he gave her a little bit.  All it took was once!  Now she is front and center, every time she hears him pulling his ice cream container out of the freezer.  She had never done that before.

She's a good girl, though.  We taught her early on not to be a "beggar" when we are in the living room with food on plates.  But we have never curbed her in the kitchen and are suckers for the adoring eyes she gives us!

MissKittyDanger

Someone halp .... I just spent for Lush and Amazon and Starbucks  

Okay .... so Amazon M is paying me back because it's for BK {ALSO HALP ME STOP}

But jeez Lush - shampoo & 2 bubble bars {used sample to potentially use on BK} lol