Wedding Woes

Yeesh...this is rough.

Dear Prudence,

My live-in girlfriend of two years, “Sally,” and I started having conversations about whether we should break up back in January. Shortly thereafter the lockdowns started, and we quickly tabled these discussions as we adjusted. In May, Sally and I both ended up contracting COVID. I was sick for a week but quickly bounced back. Sally, unfortunately, ended up being afflicted with what we believe is a “long haul” case of the disease. Months later she isn’t working and struggles to accomplish daily tasks. I feel horrible, but I can’t do this any longer. I’m barely hanging onto my job as I manage work with Sally’s care and our household responsibilities. I feel resentful and guilty that we wouldn’t even be together now if the pandemic hadn’t affected our breakup plans. I care about Sally and wouldn’t wish her long-haul condition on anyone. But I don’t want to be with her anymore. But I feel like breaking up would mean leaving her stranded.

We don’t have much of a support system in our current city. I don’t know if she is well enough to travel to her parents’ place. I am Sally’s sole advocate with physicians and social services providers who often disbelieve her. Since her illness, she has frequently told me she “doesn’t know what she would do without me.” Please help. I am at my breaking point and have no idea what to do.

Re: Yeesh...this is rough.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeeeesh. This is rough.
    Oh wait, you already said that @mrsconn23. 😉 

  • Can you break up and still live together and support her while she recovers? This situation sounds impossible but you shouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone you don’t love; but you presumably cared about her at some point. Help her figure out a care plan that lets you both move on. 
  • The LW needs to have a talk with Sally.  Break up.  And discuss other options for Sally's care with her.  It sounds like Sally is still well enough to be living in their home.  It seems like that would make her well enough to travel by car to wherever her parents live, if the LW drives her.

    If for some reason that isn't possible, is she eligible for SS Disability and the Medicare that comes with it?  The LW mention social services.  Especially with those resources, she can be medically transported to where her parents live.

    This happened earlier this year to an acquaintance.  He was in a horrific accident that shattered his pelvis and paralyzed him.  He doesn't have any family or much support system in NOLA.  After he recovered enough to leave the hospital (that took months!), he was medically transported back to where his parents live.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Break up but also consider your options.

    You don't need to be WITH her to help her.   But you also need to talk about the next steps that are realistic for both of you. 

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