Dear Prudence,
I am the manager of a small office of around 15 employees. The owner is somewhat brusque and aloof, so most interactions with staff fall to me. I consider myself to be a generally kind person who doesn’t mind lending a compassionate ear when someone requires one. We have one employee, “Esmeralda,” who has always been difficult. She’s experienced but incredibly dramatic and frequently clashes with the owner, co-workers, and clients. She has been on a performance improvement plan since just before the pandemic. I’m trying to be more lenient with everyone these days, but our sector has been hard-hit by COVID and we probably can’t keep operating if the pandemic continues well into next year. We’re not there yet, but the owner and I have discussed the grim possibility of future layoffs.
Esmerelda is only getting worse. She was always difficult and overbearing, but now she’s erratic. She does almost no work and comes into my office twice a day to unload all her troubles (with her ex, her parents, her son, her house, her car) onto me. She calls me after she goes home. I cannot discuss a mistake she makes at work without her either shutting down completely or sobbing uncontrollably. I have tried telling her I have to focus on my own job, that I can’t take her calls after work hours, that she needs to manage her emotions at work so we can have work discussions. I have ignored her calls and texts, but she keeps trying, over and over again, until I respond. I can’t block her number because she legitimately needs it for work. I have offered her time off to take care of issues or even just for an emotional break, but she insists she doesn’t want to be at her house because it makes her depressed since it’s “not what she wants.” Nothing seems to get through.
Last week I brought her into my office to tell her that I was concerned about her and wanted her to strongly consider seeing a therapist or her primary care physician. I told her as gently as I could that I have 14 other staff members and 50 clients who all need my help on a daily basis, and I would no longer be able to be her sounding board, but I would do whatever I could to accommodate a schedule that allows her to get help. She wept and said she might as well just kill herself and broke down into hysterics. I had to call her emergency contact, who apparently is a neighbor who barely knows Esmeralda. Her mother apparently stayed with her for the evening to keep an eye on her. She came in the next day like we never had the conversation. I am at a loss. I want her to be healthy and well, and I want her to keep her job! But I also can’t handle this anymore, being held hostage by her emotions and keeping her on payroll just because I’m afraid of what happens if I let her go. I have my own significant personal issues to deal with, as well as those of other staff and clients who all have needs as well. What do I do?
—Performance Isn’t Improving