Dear Prudence,
I have been in a relationship with this girl/woman (53 years old) for a few years. We live in different countries. I am much older—27 years older. She is a single mother of a 15-year-old, and I do get along well with her child. We have talked about living together, which would mean her immigrating here. Don’t be hasty in being fixated on the age difference: I look 60 to 65 years old, and I feel 60. Some difficult issues have surfaced, such as she has insisted on sharing my email account. Initially I did, but she used it to torture herself, going back maybe 10 years to read emails in my mailbox, which I shared with friends. No girlfriends—we just talked trashy.
I told her that I will support her 90 percent, which means I am prepared to be there for her until she finds a job and help with that last 10 percent. She has refused. Am I being unreasonable and selfish? I believe that my first financial commitment should be for my old age. I do have some investments and receive a pension and own my home, which provides me with a reasonably comfortable life.
—Lingering Long-Distance