Tell them it's 'minor', that you're going to be fine, and don't need help.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m transgender, and I’m having a gender-confirming surgery right before Christmas. I’m out to my mom, who’s wonderfully supportive, and brother, who’s wildly bewildered. Everyone else either doesn’t know or is unsupportive. My mom and I decided to say I was having a totally different surgery as the reason why I won’t be at family holiday events (COVID and other refusals don’t budge them from asking). The problem is that the extended family are now panicked about this made-up surgery and want to be involved, and I feel bad lying to my brother. He’s the one other person who might be on my side in a meaningful way. How can I push away the extended family without digging a deeper hole or giving them the real story? How can I bring my brother closer, without overwhelming him?

—Going Further in the Closet

MissKittyDanger

Agreed with title.
State it's minor surgery, you're good with everything and don't need help

banana468

Talk to your brother first because if he's bewildered that's a relationship issue. 

Then tell the family members that your surgery is not what was stated and you appreciate the concern and will be fine.   

But next time think of the follow-through with a lie like this.  If you're going to see these people again they'll find out eventually.  Something like, "They have plans that cannot be changed," may have helped avoid some of the need to lie. 

mrsconn23

It's 2020, so why the hell would anyone want people from outside their home coming over around a surgical procedure?  Tell them you're being told to quarantine before and after.  If they want to drop soup on your porch, make sure your house is locked and blinds drawn.  Also, LW's surgery may get pushed anyway since several states are pulling back on 'elective' surgeries. 

Work on your relationship with your brother and continue to bean dip family if you're not comfortable discussing it with them.  They will eventually find out if you plan to be around them in the future.  I hope LW is thinking about that and how they going to protect themselves upon coming out to their family.   

short+sassy

It sounds like a butt-insky type of family (eyeroll).  But, despite that, I would just keep rinsing and repeating the same line.  Something like, "I appreciate your concern.  But I'm totally fine.  It's a NBD surgery and I'll be able to take care of myself right after.  I don't need any help.  In addition, it's imperative I quarantine before and after for at least two weeks."

It makes me sad the LW feels they needed to lie to family, especially their brother, about what the surgery is going to be.  I think it makes more sense to come clean now and stop all this subterfuge, since I assume it's going to come out in the relatively near future anyway.  But that's the LW's decision, not mine.