Make him cook?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I have known each other for almost 20 years, and he is the love of my life. But he recently went to the doctor for low energy and trouble breathing and decided he wants to lose weight. He says he wants me to help develop a meal plan, since I took nutrition classes in college and do 90 percent of the cooking. So I developed a plan that switches foods like pasta, rice, and bread with veggie options. He hates it and does not stop complaining about my cooking, which he never did before when it was all high-carb and high-fat foods.

I can’t stand how stubborn he is when it comes to diet changes. I understand it can be hard to commit to drastic changes, but he was the one who insisted on the big change, rather than the gradual one I suggested. I don’t know what to do to support him in wanting to lose weight. I know if I leave it up to him that he will just not do it and continue his unhealthy choices, but I can’t put up with the constant battle at the dinner table.

—Kitchen Wars

CharmedPam

Exactly what the subject line says. Why can’t he cook? He can sit down and make a meal plan and realize how limited you are once you have to cook healthy?

Did I mention I hate healthy cooking?

banana468

Tell him that if he wants to dictate the meal he can order it from a restaurant or cook it himself but the complaint department is closed.

STARMOON44

“Steven enough is enough. You’re behaving like a spoiled rude child. You asked me to support you by making a big change in the food I cook. I did. Now instead of thanking me profusely you do nothing but whine. It’s unacceptable. Either eat what I cook and say thank you or do it yourself.”

downtondiva

He's the one who wants to lose weight, so he should be the one figuring out meal plans and deciding what healthy foods he prefers (and preparing them for himself). Especially if he's this combative and unappreciative, stop doing the work for him, and stop NOW.

mrsconn23

Something in my spidey senses tells me that this isn't the first time he's been a petulant child about something toward LW.  This is likely the most drastic change he's ever had to try to make, but I bet he's a dick to LW any time he's had to deal with something hard.   LW needs to show him a drastic change by walking away from the kitchen. 

On a side note, there are SO MANY meal boxes out there for so many different diet needs/preferences.  Practically, it would be smart for LW and their H to try those to find recipes and ingredients he/they like.  They all come with recipe cards, so you can save the meals you love to make again. BONUS, they come with step-by-step picture instructions to 'dummy proof' the process...so HE could even cook a meal or 10 by following along. 

But they gotta dig through 20 years of shit to get to practicality. 

CharmedPam

I was thinking those meal boxes too @mrsconn23.  The ones I get I usually altar ingredients to make low carb/lower salt/lower fat etc, but they have ones specific for those needs.  It’s not for everyone, I get that.  If they can afford it, I’d suggest that!

short+sassy

The H is acting ridiculous and I suspect a lot of his complaining is actually more related to being unhappy with his weight, his health, and the changes he needs to make to improve those things.

The LW didn't say anything about cutting meat out.  So however they make meat "mains" probably didn't need much tweaking.  Veggies have never been my favorite either.  But there are all kinds of ways to cook them so they are more flavorful and delicious.

This is giving the H more credit then he deserves.  But I think the LW should sit down with him and talk about what he has and hasn't liked.  What seasonings does he like.  They should look at recipes together, so he is also making decisions on what he will be eating.  I think he should also have a hand in the cooking, but that is up to the LW.  Maybe he wouldn't complain so much, if he also some responsible for the meals served in the house.

The LW should also address the big issue.  That the complaining needs to stop because they are doing the best they can and have been feeling very unappreciated, despite all the work and time that has already gone into choosing, shopping for, and preparing recipes that meet the healthier eating the H has expressed he wants.

And perhaps having a "cheat" meal once or twice a week could help with him not feeling totally deprived as they go through this eating transition.   

MyNameIsNot

Just divorce him. This guy sucks. 

kerbohl

I'd be cooking for myself and letting him cook his own meals.  I do seem to remember my hubby making a comment shortly after we got married about all the "roughage", but it didn't last long.

knottie5dd37df96c77fb63

I think you should give little more time. It's been 20 years since you are both together and this should not be a reason to fight or take any hard decision.
You have many options, there are lots of recipes you can make and enjoy together. Try something new by which you can also enjoy. 
There are lots of healthy recipes you both can enjoy try some bbq grill kebabs, tikka, grilled vegetables, seafoods and many more. He is in a difficult situation, support him. 
You can include Indian flatbread called roti in his diet. It is a low calorie food and perfect for weight loss. I am sharing my own blog's roti recipe below. Give it a try. It is best for weight loss and I hope you both can enjoy it.