Dear Prudence,
Roughly three months ago, I met a girl who quickly became my girlfriend. I had practically given up on love before meeting her after a series of bad relationships. I am also a woman, and the dating pool in my area is pretty small. With her, though, I find myself wondering how I was lucky enough to find someone like her. She’s funny, independent, ambitious, and everything I hoped for in a partner. I let her know that I regularly see a therapist, and she told me she does the same. She really seemed to prioritize mental wellness. About a month in she started letting me know more about her struggles, which are extremely severe. This didn’t impact my view of her, although she expected it to. After confiding in me, she now has lengthy, unexpected breakdowns two to three times a week, if not more. This only got worse when her therapist took a monthlong hiatus while sorting out child care arrangements.
In lieu of a therapist she leaned pretty hard on me. If I’m not physically there she’ll call me and cry over the phone. When I offer sympathy or resources, she rejects it. I was starting to feel pretty helpless, then she revealed to me that she stopped taking her medication while her therapist was away. She still refuses to take it now that they have resumed sessions. She told me she lies to her therapist and says everything’s fine. I understand things are hard for her now, but I don’t know what to do. I love her, and I care for her. Afterwards she always apologizes for pushing me away after asking for help, but it’s really starting to eat at my own mental health. I can’t keep playing therapist! I’m worried though that if I set a boundary, she’ll just bottle things up entirely and make things harder on herself. What do I do?
—Crisis Manager