Wedding Woes

Why do you need to tell them anything?

Dear Prudence,

I’m a divorced woman in my 40s with two older teenagers. I’ve been dating a lot over the past few years and having a great time. I used to talk to my mom and sister about it, but they’re more socially conservative, and they seemed judgmental that I was dating at all, rather than just parenting. Since the pandemic started, we’ve been in touch about every day via a group text—mostly chitchat and little updates. Last year I matched with a lovely man on a dating app who lives a few states away. We reconnected about a month ago and have been having ersatz dates over Zoom. We’re planning an in-person visit for later this month in his state. This relationship might have potential, but I won’t know until we spend time together in person.

But should I tell my mom and sister about my trip? It would be unusual for me to go out of state for two nights without mentioning it, but I know they will not approve of me traveling to meet a new man, even aside from COVID (and please know I’m being pretty sensible on that front too). This trip might seem inappropriate or even shocking to them, and I don’t want to hear their criticism of my sex life. I definitely don’t need to hear my mom say, “You don’t need a man” anymore because … I know that! I like sex and dating. I like this man, and I trust my instincts. I know I’m not obligated to tell them anything, but do I talk around it? Say I’m visiting a friend? Lie outright? I’m not ashamed but don’t want their judgment quite yet, until I see if there’s potential with this guy.

—Secret Rendezvous

Re: Why do you need to tell them anything?

  • Good lord ... why does LW need to say something? I have a good relationship with my mum, but if she wasn't for my choices I would stop telling her a lot.

    Even if LW's mom said "look, I disagree but it's your life" that's ok, but that doesn't sound like the situation.

    LW's kids are older. As long as LW thinks of them as priority still, I don't understand why people cannot date.
    STARMOON44
  • Why start a conversation if you know it's not going to go well?  
    mrsconn23STARMOON44ei34charlotte989875
  • Tell a supportive friend where you’re going, make sure your kids are safe and comfortable for the weekend and keep this to yourself until you’re sure it’s something. Just because you’ve told them everything in the past doesn’t mean you need to keep doing that. You can have somethings that are just for you. 
    short+sassydowntondiva
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 8
    Tell a supportive friend where you’re going, make sure your kids are safe and comfortable for the weekend and keep this to yourself until you’re sure it’s something. Just because you’ve told them everything in the past doesn’t mean you need to keep doing that. You can have somethings that are just for you. 
    Exactly. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're entitled to know every last thing that's going on in your life - big or small. Besides, there may end up not being much to tell, and then you'll have subjected yourself to their criticism for nothing. For now, save yourself the annoyance! 
    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards