Wedding Woes

Playing my tiny violin for you

I’m in my mid-40s, and I want to retire. I can afford it easily. I’ve made loads of money, although nobody close to me knows it aside from my wife, since we’ve always lived modestly. I’ve long hated my job and have no compelling reason to continue. But when I’ve mentioned that I am considering retiring, my family and friends have all reacted negatively. Some claim to be concerned about the financial implications, while others fret about “what you’ll do with yourself all day.” Still others claim it is irresponsible for someone my age to “stop contributing” I am beginning to think that justifying my leisure would turn out to be nearly as unpleasant a form of labor as my actual job.

I was complaining about this to a friend. He used to work for me, but a few years ago started his own firm. He proposed a scheme I find appealing. Remote work is likely to remain common post-pandemic, he noted, and he’d be happy to let me pretend that I am working for him remotely. I don’t relish resorting to deceit, but I also don’t want to get hostile in response to the hectoring questions, which I fear is where this will otherwise end up. What do you think? Acceptable face-saving lie or impermissible subterfuge?

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Re: Playing my tiny violin for you

  • I’m in my mid-40s, and I want to retire. I can afford it easily. I’ve made loads of money, although nobody close to me knows it aside from my wife, since we’ve always lived modestly. I’ve long hated my job and have no compelling reason to continue. But when I’ve mentioned that I am considering retiring, my family and friends have all reacted negatively. Some claim to be concerned about the financial implications, while others fret about “what you’ll do with yourself all day.” Still others claim it is irresponsible for someone my age to “stop contributing” I am beginning to think that justifying my leisure would turn out to be nearly as unpleasant a form of labor as my actual job.

    I was complaining about this to a friend. He used to work for me, but a few years ago started his own firm. He proposed a scheme I find appealing. Remote work is likely to remain common post-pandemic, he noted, and he’d be happy to let me pretend that I am working for him remotely. I don’t relish resorting to deceit, but I also don’t want to get hostile in response to the hectoring questions, which I fear is where this will otherwise end up. What do you think? Acceptable face-saving lie or impermissible subterfuge?

    OR you figure out what you want to do? 

    Ideally you'll fill your time with mentally stimulating activity like counting your money.
  • Retire if you want to.  People can find a way to disapprove of everything/anything you'd like to do.  If it will make you feel better when it comes up to say you're just working remotely for an old colleague then do it.  I don't think you need to do that, but if it makes you feel better it's not hurting anyone. 

    LW seems embarrassed by their success -which is understandable in a situation like this i think.  I don't think they should alter their choices because of that.  
  • Exactly this @banana468, Why resort to pretend work? 

  • Why pretend? Or why even say anything? It's not like anyone is going to stop by at 2 on a Tuesday to see whether you are working or at work. 
  • I'm assuming LW has already spoken to a financial advisor, LW has the right to retire if they can.
    Being able to retire at 40 and live comfortably? That would be amazing.
  • Own your choices. If you want to retire, retire. Who cares what anyone else says about it? Find hobbies, find something else you care about, do what you want. Or just stop telling people your plan and do what you want. 
  • Stop asking for input. If you and your spouse are cool with you retiring, just do it!
  • Why is the LW even talking to what sounds like a lot of people that they are retiring?  The LW and their wife's finances and retirement plans are nobody's business.

    If the LW wants to lie, I guess there's no harm in that.  But why rope the friend into it?  Just say, I'm working remotely from home now.  However one lie usually leads to more lies and I think it's easier to just keep it simple.    The LW should do what they want and tell people "they took all of that into consideration and are fine, butt out."  Or use an easier, more generalized "lie".  Like, "I'm looking into doing some consulting work."  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Okay @short+sassy between the age and your recent landlord woes I originally forgot you were covering for mrsconn this week, and thought this was the daily chat. The second sentence snapped me back 😂
  • ei34 said:
    Okay @short+sassy between the age and your recent landlord woes I originally forgot you were covering for mrsconn this week, and thought this was the daily chat. The second sentence snapped me back 😂
    I can understand that leap, lol.  I'm the same age as the LW and I am making plans to retire (hopefully) before I'm 50.  But even that would just be transitioning from no longer working a W-2 job and entirely working for myself.

    This LW is retiring to nothing but leisure!  I wish this was a problem I had, lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ei34 said:
    Okay @short+sassy between the age and your recent landlord woes I originally forgot you were covering for mrsconn this week, and thought this was the daily chat. The second sentence snapped me back 😂
    S+S has a lot of problems this week ;) 
  • OMG, call it a sabbatical and be done with it.  LOL

    Seriously though, I cannot imagine just stopping work now.  Do I dream about having 'fuck you' money and being able to quit my job like yesterday?  Yup.  But after taking a break, I'd have to find something to occupy my time. 

    LW clearly needs to find something more fulfilling tor them.  If they have the money, why not take the time to explore their interests?  
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