Start dating with a focus on an emotional connection

short+sassy

I am a woman in my late 20s who has never been in a serious relationship. I had some awkward high school boyfriends, and I hooked up with a man once in college. I have not had any sexual contact with another person in over seven years. I haven’t been interested in hooking up or dating. I am now at a point in my life where I think I might want a long-term partner and want to start dating so I can find one. I think I might be asexual, but I don’t know how to tell! How do you figure out a sexuality that’s a lack of something? I have never seen someone and thought, “Wow, that is a person that I want to have sex with!” And since I don’t feel like I experience attraction to particular people, I don’t even know whether I am interested in dating men or women. For what it’s worth, I do expect that I would enjoy sex with another person, because I really enjoy masturbation, but I have never ever been interested in porn. It just feels to me like a physical pleasure, not something that would provide connection to another person. I am in search of advice about how to enter dating, how to figure out who I’m interested in, and what I should say to potential partners.

Jstump2

I feel for this LW. I think they are putting too much pressure on figuring things out before they have really experienced enough. I never just saw someone and thought I wanted to have sex with them, found them attractive sure but not sex. If they have never has a strong emotional connection with someone coupled with the physical intimacy they really don’t know what they are missing.  No need to put a label on it, just put themselves out there and see if they can build a connection with someone.

Jstump2

Also , I don't know if this is weird but porn never really did it for me but romance novels do because there is an emotional connection between the characters first!

short+sassy

It's possible the LW is asexual.  But they also don't have any relationship experience.  They might find as they start putting themselves out there, that they will better be able to define their own sexuality.

For first meeting people, they don't want to make the mistake of gushing everything out.  But, even before setting up a date, it's fine and normal to say something like they are looking to meet people.  Interested in an LTR, but want to take things slow.

MissKittyDanger

LW could also be demi-sexual {requiring emotional connection before physical is an option - from my understanding}

But focus on what you want, and if the rest happens - it happens. You can't force yourself into things.

LW could also talk to someone in the LGBTQ+ community and get more information to see if they are asexual

charlotte989875

Jstump2 said:

Also , I don't know if this is weird but porn never really did it for me but romance novels do because there is an emotional connection between the characters first!

Same! Romance novels and erotic fiction are where it’s at.