Have you directly asked them what the deal is?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m a teacher working in an area that’s been moderately impacted by COVID. Things aren’t great, but we’re far from the harder-hit areas. Vaccine rollout is slow, and I likely have another month before I can get the jab. I’ve refused to return to work in-person since September. I’m not alone in this—my union has supported me, along with many others—and, for the most part, I feel at peace with my choice. The problem is my two next-door neighbors. They live on either side of me and both struggle to balance child care, their full-time jobs, housework, etc. Their children are in virtual school and having a hard time. I don’t teach any of their kids. But they are clearly looking to me as a “proxy” for every teacher who either refuses to work in-person or is struggling to effectively teach at a distance.

These neighbors, with whom I used to be quite friendly, have turned icy. They sigh, roll their eyes, and make pointed jabs about how awful life has been with the children unable to return to school. My three children used to play with theirs, but now I’m reluctant to let them, because of their parents’ veiled barbs. I recognize everyone is going through it, and these neighbors are just misplacing their reasonable frustration. I’m the personified reason their children can’t go back to school. What should I do or say? What happens if this frostiness remains after I’m vaccinated and return to work? Should I just give up on the friendship now that they’ve shown their true colors? My kids do enjoy playing with their kids, and I’m reluctant to isolate them even more during an already-isolating time.

—Neighborly No More

banana468

Have you talked to your neighbors?  

Also, do your neighbors have a point?  Have you been introspective at all determining why you didn't return? 

In my state many towns have returned to full or partial in - person learning.  That's made possible by social distancing, barriers,  reduced class sizes and splitting kids into cohorts where possible and limiting activities that can be known to increase the risk of spread. 

As a result in our town, while there are cases that are reported with students and educators, the findings are that the disease is spreading OUTSIDE the school and not inside.   The measures are working. 

Does the school have measures in place like this?  Will they?  Can you highlight that if they don't you weren't going to return to a location that the spread of disease was likely? 

And then be sympathetic to the parents as well.  Talk to them.  Parents are super stressed.  More and more working moms quit their jobs because they couldn't manage the remote learning of their children and their own workload.  These aren't made up stresses. So while they're frustrated, listen to them.  And then listen to your own board of ed to hear what protocols are or are not in place.   Ideally cooler heads will prevail.   If they don't, keep your distance. 

CharmedPam

So no advice, but I can’t wait to use the term “get the jab” when I can. 

banana468

CharmedPam said:

So no advice, but I can’t wait to use the term “get the jab” when I can. 

I am a fan of "Fauci ouchie". 

missJeanLouise

Personally, I would just avoid them until the kids have been back in school for 6 months and the daily struggles have faded in their mind a little. Hindsight may bring them to appreciate your position more, or at least take the edge off their anger.

charlotte989875

I’m so tired of seeing the hate on teachers for not going back. It’s not on them to potentially sacrifice themselves or their loved ones by being indoors. Direct the frustration at people who wouldn’t wear masks and distance, at politicians for having ineffective guidance and plans, not at people who are doing their best to make it work. 

I feel for parents and kids who are struggling to make remote learning work. It sucks. A lot. But forcing people back in person before a vaccination isn’t the solution. 

MyNameIsNot

charlotte989875 said:

I’m so tired of seeing the hate on teachers for not going back. It’s not on them to potentially sacrifice themselves or their loved ones by being indoors. Direct the frustration at people who wouldn’t wear masks and distance, at politicians for having ineffective guidance and plans, not at people who are doing their best to make it work. 

I feel for parents and kids who are struggling to make remote learning work. It sucks. A lot. But forcing people back in person before a vaccination isn’t the solution. 

So true. The district next to me just buried two teachers who got sick at school. 

Maybe LW can go back to being friendly after memories fade, but I wouldn't make a lot of effort to be good friends with people who can't grasp that this sucks for everyone. LW isn't choosing to stay home "at" these parents. She's choosing the best of two shitty options.  

STARMOON44

I think this a very difficult situation and you should carry on as you have been

short+sassy

I am especially grateful to all the people out there who put themselves at greater exposure to COVID, to keep our society rolling along as best we can.

Because, unless I was really desperate, I wouldn't do any of those jobs.  I am certainly not going to point a finger at anyone for doing what they think is best for their own health.  I know remote learning has been a big problem for so many reasons and on so many levels, but those neighbors are directing their "icy stares" at the wrong person.

Plus, at least where I live, whether there is remote learning or not is largely decisions being made by the parish/county.  They went back to no in-person learning for most of January because of spikes.  Now that positivity rates have returned to better levels, in-person learning is a choice again for elementary and middle school students.  At least in this case, not one bit of that had anything to do with a shortage of teachers not willing to do in-person classes.

I think the LW is justified in doing whatever they are comfortable with.  If they want to cut off friendships and just be polite going forward, that's fine.  They can do that and also allow their children to play with the other children, when it is safe to do so.  Or if they want to continue the friendship, I suspect once children are back in school and things are a little back to normal, their neighbors will become warmer again. 

kerbohl

missJeanLouise said:

Personally, I would just avoid them until the kids have been back in school for 6 months and the daily struggles have faded in their mind a little. Hindsight may bring them to appreciate your position more, or at least take the edge off their anger.

I agree.  People are stressed and some are taking on their frustrations unnecessarily on those that don't deserve it.  The best bet might be waiting until their frustrations have died down.

And I wish people would stop hating on teachers.  If they aren't pissed that teachers aren't coddling their precious snowflakes then they're pissed that teachers dare to have a life outside school or that they make too much money or this or that ...

MesmrEwe

There's an old saying "Leave sleeping dogs lie..." or "Don't poke the bear.."... Leave it alone until about 6mo after everyone has returned to school and there's at least some level of normalcy LW!  What they're going through is as real as what LW's going through. 

 People don't like the hating on Teachers, the problem is school expects things done their way without regard for what's going on in kids' home lives which runs the spectrum (parents at home, to parents working three jobs, to parent OTR and other parent working an 8-4, to single parent/grandparent situation, to yes, even homelessness).  The world is not set up for school age childcare so if those parents are getting the "we aren't your child's babysitters" attitude that has been what's directed at parents during virtual learning, and parents need to work, and most employers DGARA that they've got kids, they're expected to be at-work on-time, logged in/in person, complete their work on schedule, pandemic or not and have from the start of all this, there's going to be a little pent up rage and frustration even if misdirected.