Wedding Woes

Samantha is not a friend.

Dear Prudence,

I am a 20-year-old woman with a friend named “Samantha.” We’ve known each other for three years. I attempted suicide two years ago, and I’m still working on healing. Samantha also struggles with depression and is currently in therapy. However, she relies on me for most of her emotional counsel. She will vent about her difficulties and hopeless feelings. I have advised her to share this with her therapist or call a hotline, but she refuses. She often forgets to ask if I’m in a stable mental state before she starts to vent. When I try to set a boundary with her, she bottles things up and spirals further. Samantha has told me that I make her life better. She used to have a crush on me (which has passed) and calls me her closest friend, but I don’t reciprocate. I don’t want to abandon her since I’ve been in a similar situation and it is very difficult, but I cannot continue relapsing and being miserable. Can you help me?


Re: Samantha is not a friend.

  • I think your therapist would be great at helping you learn healthy boundaries 
  • Yikes. Samantha needs more help than you can or should provide. If she’s asking for more than you want to give try “Samantha, I care about your health and safety but I’m not in a place where I can help you with this. Here’s the number for crisis services/ county counseling services/ college health services.”
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