You're 'mommy' because you married a child.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

Shortly after we moved in together, I noticed that my husband had a problem with chocolate. If there is any in the house, he will eat it all. I will keep a bag of candies in the fridge and eat one a day. He will eat the entire bag in one sitting. I bought him his own bag, thinking this would alleviate the problem, but it did not. If I do not eat whatever chocolate I purchase immediately, it will be gone the next day. Entire bags of Halloween candy that we bought for kids. Gifts that other people buy me that I don’t get to eat a single piece of. I even tried buying chocolate he does not like, and he ate it. He says, “I will buy you more,” but he never does, and it does not help when I go to the cabinet thinking it’s there and it’s gone.

And he knows he should not be doing it, because he does it when I am not here. It’s not like he eats it in front of me. I have always shared with him, told him to have some, but please leave me a few pieces! Nope, he won’t do that. He gets defensive and says I am in the wrong and that I should just not bring it into the house. I can think of no other way but to lock it up. Any advice?

—Husband vs. Chocolate

VarunaTT

Am I the only one who is thinking this is a pretty massive eating disorder?  Surely this isn't the only symptom.  I laugh about not being able to stop eating the box of Cheezits until they're gone, but if I needed to stop, I could make myself.

I feel like something's missing, but I'd want my husband to see a therapist about this.  There has to be more to this story.

mrsconn23

Oh I agree this is disordered eating and then lashing out.  Or it's negging and asshole behavior.  Regardless, getting mad or expecting him to 'replace' what he ate and/or locking up the chocolate is not going to fix this.  He has an impulse control issue and it should probably be explored in therapy. 

charlotte989875

Eh, H eats any sweets we have in the house. It’s not disordered eating but can be annoying. 

The bigger problem is that LW has discussed it, repeatedly, with the H and he still does it knowing it bothers her. 

If he truly can’t stop then it’s clearly an eating issue, if he just won’t stop then it’s an AH husband issue. 

banana468

This dude needs a therapist if he's unable to stop himself from eating chocolate and does it to the point that it's gone with no regard that it doesn't belong to him.

Replace chocolate with alcohol.  Dude needs help. 

MyNameIsNot

If it's really only chocolate, either quit buying it or hide it. 

But I seriously doubt this is limited to just chocolate. 

CharmedPam

So I’m the H.  I realize I have no control with sweets in my house. Any sweets.  I’d eat the whole thing too. I can’t help myself, I love alone and don’t bring that stuff IN my house for that reason. I treat myself by getting dessert (splitting usualy) when I go out to eat. 

LW doesn’t need to stop buying them altogether, they’re not the ones with the problem.  But can LW hide them better? There’s the meme going around about putting halloween candy in a bag of frozen vegetables in the freezer so the kids don’t touch them.  Maybe LW needs to do that?

short+sassy

If the LW is a woman, she should hide the chocolates in her box/bag of feminine products.

But seriously, it is really concerning.  It's one thing for something like that to happen once in awhile, but either the H can't control his impulses or is a monumental jerk, probably some of both.  Especially considering his attitude about it is that the LW is in the wrong.  Plus, if he likes chocolate so much, then why doesn't he buy it sometimes?  And then he also won't eat chocolate in front of the LW?  Maybe it is an aspect of an eating disorder.  It's a lot of weird stuff going on.

STARMOON44

If I am given a box of 20 chocolates it’s entirely possible I’ll eat it in a day. If someone else in my home is given a box of chocolates, I will only eat them when offered. Yes. Lock them up if you have to! But I wonder about what else is going on here, because as someone with a serious chocolate issue I would do things like ask that they be tucked away out of sight, or purchase my own treat instead, or occasionally slip up and be very apologetic and replace them. There’s no excuse for the combo of always eating them and taking no responsibility and blaming LW for it. 

short+sassy

CharmedPam said:

So I’m the H.  I realize I have no control with sweets in my house. Any sweets.  I’d eat the whole thing too. I can’t help myself, I love alone and don’t bring that stuff IN my house for that reason. I treat myself by getting dessert (splitting usualy) when I go out to eat. 

LW doesn’t need to stop buying them altogether, they’re not the ones with the problem.  But can LW hide them better? There’s the meme going around about putting halloween candy in a bag of frozen vegetables in the freezer so the kids don’t touch them.  Maybe LW needs to do that?

I usually wait until just a few days before Halloween to buy one bag of candy.  Then I put it out of sight.  My H usually knows where it is, but he is stronger to stay out of the bag if he doesn't see it, lol.

One of his favorite candies is gummy bears.  We buy 6 lb. bags of them from Sam's Club or Walmart.  He used to eat the whole bag in only 2-3 days!  He decided on his own he needed to scale way back on that and one bag lasts a couple weeks now.

MissKittyDanger

The hiding, stealing and lack of control that has me wonder if there is a bigger issue.

Might be worth bringing up with a doctor.

banana468

MissKittyDanger said:

The hiding, stealing and lack of control that has me wonder if there is a bigger issue.

Might be worth bringing up with a doctor.

That's why I think this is a bigger issue.  

DH eats Oreos by the sleeve.  There are some things he just loves.  But he's also capable of really liking a food and not stealing to consume it.  This H is stealing.  He may not be breaking the law but he's both incapable of seeing it and not consuming it and he's acting like a jerk because he knows it's bad and never remedies the situation.    
My grandmother had to do that with booze and I'd frequently find tiny bottles put into the fine china teapots, or under couches.     If she didn't then the alcoholics in the house would drink it all at once.   There would be no replacing if the addict is incapable of holding it and having enough control to not consume it themself. 

short+sassy

banana468 said:

 

My grandmother had to do that with booze and I'd frequently find tiny bottles put into the fine china teapots, or under couches.     If she didn't then the alcoholics in the house would drink it all at once.   There would be no replacing if the addict is incapable of holding it and having enough control to not consume it themself. 

A couple years ago, one of our sets of tenants vacated and left 90% of their stuff behind.  They lived on the other side of our personal double, so we knew more about them then most of our tenants.  They both had problems with alcohol, but especially the H.  The wife would sometimes get on his case about how much he drank, but then she was the one drinking with him (shrug).

Ensue major clean out.  There was a little bit of damage to one of the walls in the closet, so my H was in it, checking it out.  I suddenly hear him say, "Oh.My.God. Are you kidding me."  He tells me to come closer with a trash bag.  He starts throwing tiny, empty bottles of liquor into the bag.  He was pulling them down from the "lip/small ledge" above the sliding door on the inside.  It was like a clown car.  Just when I didn't think any more bottles could have possibly fit on that "trim work" ledge, there were a dozen more.  There was something like 30 bottles up there.

We guessed he had a tactic of drinking the little bottle in 1-2 gulps and putting the empty back on that ledge so his wife didn't know quite how much he was drinking.

banana468

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

 

My grandmother had to do that with booze and I'd frequently find tiny bottles put into the fine china teapots, or under couches.     If she didn't then the alcoholics in the house would drink it all at once.   There would be no replacing if the addict is incapable of holding it and having enough control to not consume it themself. 

A couple years ago, one of our sets of tenants vacated and left 90% of their stuff behind.  They lived on the other side of our personal double, so we knew more about them then most of our tenants.  They both had problems with alcohol, but especially the H.  The wife would sometimes get on his case about how much he drank, but then she was the one drinking with him (shrug).

Ensue major clean out.  There was a little bit of damage to one of the walls in the closet, so my H was in it, checking it out.  I suddenly hear him say, "Oh.My.God. Are you kidding me."  He tells me to come closer with a trash bag.  He starts throwing tiny, empty bottles of liquor into the bag.  He was pulling them down from the "lip/small ledge" above the sliding door on the inside.  It was like a clown car.  Just when I didn't think any more bottles could have possibly fit on that "trim work" ledge, there were a dozen more.  There was something like 30 bottles up there.

We guessed he had a tactic of drinking the little bottle in 1-2 gulps and putting the empty back on that ledge so his wife didn't know quite how much he was drinking.

People do weird things.  My MIL is a "not drinker" but every now and then FIL finds her bottle of Honey Jack half empty.  

MIL is the person though who has poor control over sweets.  I chuckle that she criticizes FIL for how much he drinks and one year for Christmas DH's grandmother made us cookies and MIL ate them. 

missJeanLouise

I am the H. I can not be trusted around candy. I am a little bit better about chocolate than jelly beans or something like that but given enough time I will eat it all. My trainer says it is because I don't eat enough fruit. 🤷 It is seriously difficult to eat enough fruit to fulfill my candy cravings. The only way for me to not eat it is for it to not be in my house so what better excuse to eat ALL the candy than to get rid of it.
For LW, lock it up or eat it faster. Having one chocolate a day is bananas. 

kerbohl

If Hubby ate chocolates that were gifted to me, I would not spare him.  
I agree with PP about the possible eating disorder though.  It does seem excessive.  He should be able to exercise self control in a regular situation, but it really doesn't seem like he can.