Classic: All the nopes. DTMFA

mrsconn23

Six weeks ago my husband of almost three years took off. I came home from work to find him standing in the kitchen with a suitcase, saying that it was nothing personal but he needed to get away for a while, and then he left. I didn’t hear from him or see him for five weeks. I was hurt but I was also frantic with worry. I thought we were very happy, and this came completely out of the blue. He didn’t go to work (they said he’d taken a leave of absence), hadn’t spoken to any of our friends about this, and his parents claimed he wasn’t in touch with them. He came back last Thursday. He refuses to answer any questions about where he was and what he was doing. He is also a little angry with me for “involving” our friends and family in “his” personal business. I am torn between thinking that he was having some kind of crisis and thinking that he’s spent the last five and half weeks with another woman. Now that he’s home, he seems to want me to forget this ever happened and pick up right where we left off. I have told him that he needs to tell me where he’s been and what he’s done, or he can leave again. He says he’s not talking about it anymore and is not going anywhere. What should I do?

STARMOON44

Call a divorce lawyer

charlotte989875

Change the locks. Then call the divorce lawyer. 

mrsconn23

LW should just leave and mail the divorce papers to him.  

But seriously, what about this is making LW want to stay?  Their H disappeared, came back, wants to act like everything is 'normal' and he doesn't need to explain, AND is blaming LW for involving people in 'his' business.  He sounds like a sociopath.  You in danger, girl. 

CharmedPam

if he wasn’t having an affiar, and just left to leave... you now know how he handles problems.  Running away.  If he did it once, he’ll do it again. Especially now be knows you’ll stay.  So don’t stay.

Casadena

Why TF do people WANT to stay in relationships like this?  If he was having a crisis and dealt with it like that?  nope.  If he was gone for over a month with another woman?  nope.  Cut your losses and get out. 

missJeanLouise

5 WEEKS! No contact? And she didn't file a missing persons report? People are bananas. If he refuses therapy then I would refuse to stay married. Fuck this guy.

banana468

Huh? 

Allll the nopes. 


In addition to dumping him, I hope she gets a big check. 

ei34

I’m sorry to say this is relatable 😩 time for a divorce sis 

MissKittyDanger

ei34 said:

I’m sorry to say this is relatable 😩 time for a divorce sis 

Oh I'm sorry  

climbingsingle

I seriously thought it said he was GONE for three years. 

short+sassy

climbingsingle said:

I seriously thought it said he was GONE for three years. 

While that would certainly be worse, lol.  I also don't think it makes any difference for the LW's next step, ie get a divorce.  Other than I'd assume/hope she would have gotten a divorce before he even came back if 3 years had gone by.

It would have been hard enough to manage if he came back, but explained what had happened and where he'd been.  Have a discussion like an adult about their steps going forward.  Be open to counseling, if that is what the LW wanted.

But that MFer is a real piece of work to refuse to discuss it and even GET MAD at the LW that she keeps asking and "involved" their friends/family.

LW, here is your plan:

1) Gather up all the red flags
2) Use them to sew up a hella, sexy dress;.
3) Serve him the divorce papers in your "eat your heart out" red flag dress.

Jstump2

My husband was once 1.5 hours late from work and I almost started calling family/friends.Lol. I had to talk myself down but was going to once it hit the 2 hour mark. He ALWAYS texts/calls if he is running late so I just started worrying. He got stuck late at training and his phone wasn't getting reception.

banana468

I'm honestly not sure why she didn't consult the attorney while he was gone.  Like, after 2 weeks max I'd be done.

The chutzpah of him makes me wonder what kind of an abusive jerk he was before he left so that she's not sure if this is the right thing to do. 

flantastic

How TF did the H think this strategy was going to go? (I mean, he's not totally unreasonable, just because he seems to know LW well enough to know she would let him back in the house.)

VarunaTT

K walked out on me on a Sunday and ghosted me for 10 full days.  By day 5, I had closed the joint banking account, gotten the locks and key codes changed at the apartment, and was texting their mother to come get their shit.  We were together for 5 years, IDK WTF this woman is doing to herself, but I suggest losing the dead weight through divorce and getting some therapy to figure out why she's letting him even try to walk back in the door.  Who cares how he spent that time, what he did was wrong and he's making it unforgiveably wrong.

banana468

VarunaTT said:

K walked out on me on a Sunday and ghosted me for 10 full days.  By day 5, I had closed the joint banking account, gotten the locks and key codes changed at the apartment, and was texting their mother to come get their shit.  We were together for 5 years, IDK WTF this woman is doing to herself, but I suggest losing the dead weight through divorce and getting some therapy to figure out why she's letting him even try to walk back in the door.  Who cares how he spent that time, what he did was wrong and he's making it unforgiveably wrong.

Exactly!  

The answer in this isn't "How dare you involve my family."  It's "Who the fuck do you think you are leaving your job and me for 5 weeks with no communication whatsoever?  I'll involve anyone I can including authorities and now it's Jacoby and Meyers."