Time for a new companion to accompany you.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

How much of my health information do I need to share with my family? I’m an adult woman. Both my mom and my sister are very involved in my physical health. My sister is a nurse practitioner, and I rely on her a lot for quick questions here and there. She loves what she does and has explicitly said she’s happy to answer questions anytime from anyone in the family. My mom accompanies me to most doctor’s appointments because I have terrible doctor-induced anxiety and panic attacks, especially around needles. Since they’re both so involved, they think they’re entitled to my information—for example, my mom just accompanied me to get lab work done, and now she wants to know the specific results. Both my mom and sister can be really overbearing. They both have loud opinions about my health, test results, and diet that I don’t care to hear, because I want to make any medical decisions in tandem with my doctor, whom I trust very much. But I am not sure where I can feasibly draw the line. It’s not really a problem when everything is fine, but recently I’ve been having some health problems and boy, do they want to weigh in.

—Supportive or Entitled?

STARMOON44

You can’t have it all the ways. You can’t ask your sister questions constantly and have your mom come with you to the doctor but then expect them to be robots with no opinions. Make a treatment plan with your therapist focusing on getting you capable of going to the doctor alone. If you don’t have a therapist, you need one. 

mrsconn23

Yeah, LW needs therapy.  I understand white coat and needle anxiety, but this is on a different level.  I get that LW felt some comfort because their sister and mom were involved and willing to help them, however it sounds like it's turned to judgment and/or a situation where LW feels infantilized by them.  I can see how sis and mom think they're being 'helpful' and are also worrying over LW, but boundaries are being blurred and I can see how LW wants to regain some sense of control and/or privacy.  I usually hate the term slippery slope, but it applies here.  

banana468

STARMOON44 said:

You can’t have it all the ways. You can’t ask your sister questions constantly and have your mom come with you to the doctor but then expect them to be robots with no opinions. Make a treatment plan with your therapist focusing on getting you capable of going to the doctor alone. If you don’t have a therapist, you need one. 

This.

You're welcoming the questioning by asking these people questions and having them come with you.  If you don't want them to ask then you're going to need to find new people to go with or start to work on that on your own.  Seek that with a trained therapist.  

charlotte989875

You’re asking your sister for help then getting mad she wants the full information, especially if that would be relevant to how she responds? 

Time to find a therapist to get you comfortable attending appointments alone. Or find someone else you trust to bring with you- but likely the same thing will happen. 

levioosa

As the sister in this situation, LW sounds exhausting. I don’t pry for information but if you’re asking me medical advice (a legally slippery/grey area to begin with), you best believe I would like more info. And I’m going to be annoyed if you’re a diabetic with an A1C of >14 complaining about your health but then getting allll of the soda and fast fried food after dragging me to appointments and asking for advice and on why you feel so terrible all the time (*cough* my dad *cough*). 

mrsconn23

levioosa said:

As the sister in this situation, LW sounds exhausting. I don’t pry for information but if you’re asking me medical advice (a legally slippery/grey area to begin with), you best believe I would like more info. And I’m going to be annoyed if you’re a diabetic with an A1C of >14 complaining about your health but then getting allll of the soda and fast fried food after dragging me to appointments and asking for advice and on why you feel so terrible all the time (*cough* my dad *cough*). 

Ha.  That's my FIL too. 

short+sassy

Advice columnists should have a rule that people need to read their own letter before sending it in, lol.  Because the answer is often pretty obvious.

Like this one.  Dear Prudie:  How can I get my mother and sister to stop being opinionated and involved in medical decisions?  Despite the fact that I'm always asking my sister medical questions and dragging my mom with me to my lab and doctor appointments.

mrsconn23

short+sassy said:

Advice columnists should have a rule that people need to read their own letter before sending it in, lol.  Because the answer is often pretty obvious.

Like this one.  Dear Prudie:  How can I get my mother and sister to stop being opinionated and involved in medical decisions?  Despite the fact that I'm always asking my sister medical questions and dragging my mom with me to my lab and doctor appointments.

LOL!  Without willfully obtuse people, we'd have no Prudie.  

kerbohl

mrsconn23 said:

short+sassy said:

Advice columnists should have a rule that people need to read their own letter before sending it in, lol.  Because the answer is often pretty obvious.

Like this one.  Dear Prudie:  How can I get my mother and sister to stop being opinionated and involved in medical decisions?  Despite the fact that I'm always asking my sister medical questions and dragging my mom with me to my lab and doctor appointments.

LOL!  Without willfully obtuse people, we'd have no Prudie.  

That would be awful!  Bring on the obtuse people for our entertainment!

It would drive me nuts to have this fear of doctors dictate that I always needed to rely on my mother.  I second the therapist.  LW needs either a new person to help them or needs to get the tools to rely on herself.