Wedding Woes

Classic: Do not get married. Please get therapy.

I am a 25-year-old man facing the biggest crisis in my life as I am going to get married. My brief background makes clear my distress. When I was around 10, my female cousin (around the same age) and I used to sleep together. On one such occasion, her hand accidentally touched my thigh and felt something bulging. She asked me what it was. In my childish enthusiasm I opened my shorts and she saw my erect penis. She got excited and started rocking it saying she has been able to see my “shame-shame.” Later, in the same excitement she told all this to her mother as though it were some achievement on her part! For this, both of us got a good spanking with a warning that it is indeed shameful for boys and girls to see the “shame-shame” of one another. As I grew older, I saw the same notion being reinforced in various situations. But the situation I am going to get into demands that the shameful be considered desirable! I have no idea how a grown-up young lady reacts on seeing a penis. Pray tell me whether she would feel shameful, angry, shocked, or worse still mock at my shame-shame. How do I even face the blasphemous prospect of her having to touch it with her hand? I do not see any escape from the situation I find myself in. I would feel extremely relieved if I am able to have a response.

Re: Classic: Do not get married. Please get therapy.

  • So, not only are you 25 and about to be married but you have had no updates or understanding of  how this works without shame? Holy moly seek therapy! 
  • See a sex therapist. 
  • I can’t believe this clearly fake letter was published. 
    It had the fake red flags for me also.  Just too many things that don't make logical sense.

    One incident in his childhood forever repressing his sexuality this much.  Maybe, if it was along with a whole childhood of sexual repression, but seems unlikely.  Even if his FI grew up in a similarly sexually repressed household, I'm just not buying that they have had no discussions about what sex will be like when they get married.

    In one of his last sentences, when he is talking about his penis in the present day, he is a grown man still referring to that body part as his "shame-shame".  That's super weird and doesn't make sense either.

    This letter sounds more like the explanation at the end of a movie, as to why that shy and awkward guy who owns the motel is actually a serial killer.
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  • If a fully grown person referred to their penis or vagina as their 'shame, shame' out loud, I'd be encouraging them to get all the non-secular, intensive therapy.   Also, I'd never be able to consider them a sexual partner...ever.  I'd also hope they never had children. 

    But yeah, I think this is pretty obviously fake. 
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with @mrsconn23, the LW is still calling it shame shame.  He needs to seek a therapist. 

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Good Lawd with this one - given my profession, I'm going to say, this actually is more common than many people realize and the result of very specific upbringings.  ISYN - some have been brought up in such an environment that they believe all that's necessary to produce a baby is sleeping in the same bed... Sleeping... NOTHING else!  Hang around people who work with infertility and infertility clinics and you'll realize this sadly isn't out of the ordinary!

    The ultimate what needs to happen here is still the same, therapy - STAT!!!  Before the wedding night comes and you look at each other with deer in the headlights...  Maybe go with the Fiance because if they're getting married, both might need the work...

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