Dear Prudence,
My husband and his father aren’t super close, but my husband loves and respects his dad. My father-in-law lives in a very rural part of the Midwest with his wife of 45 years. I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years and have long found my father-in-law creepy. Years ago, when his granddaughter was visiting them (she was 9), I found him straddling her on the living-room rug and giving her a back massage. During that same visit, I saw him rest his hand on her inner thigh while we were all watching a movie. He had also purchased her “Daisy Duke” short shorts. Five years later, when she was 14, he took her on a cross-country road trip, just the two of them, and they shared motel rooms. When they visited us on this trip, he slapped her butt—really hard. The next day both my husband and I observed him caressing her legs, like you would a partner. These are just the top things I’ve witnessed. There are other things, too, like putting her head in his lap, etc. He used to shower her with gifts.
My husband and I fight about this. My husband’s sister is the girl’s mother, and I don’t think she’s the brightest. I talked to the granddaughter privately and told her that no one has a right to touch her body without her consent. I point-blank asked her if her grandfather touching her made her uncomfortable, and she said yes. She’s 18 now, and they both still live in the rural Midwest. I just can’t get past my father-in-law being so inappropriate. My husband agrees his behavior is inappropriate. I also have two young boys, and the grandparents want to visit this summer. Am I wrong to be on high alert with my father-in-law around my kids? My husband thinks I’m overreacting. My mother-in-law is not a smart woman and isn’t the least bit worldly. She has never seemed to be concerned, and I’m cringing with my eyes wide open.
—Creepy Father-In-Law