AITM- Wedding edition

charlotte989875

Well this is one I think we’d all agree on...

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/njyr2p/wibta_if_i_dont_invite_my_brother_to_my_wedding/

short+sassy

There are a lot of AITA letters related to weddings.  They are always some of my favorites, lol.  Unfortunately, my work blocks Reddit (such jerks, lol), so I'll have to check out that letter later tonight.

CharmedPam

There’s a time and a place to let LW know this and that wasn’t the time nor the place.
I would be ok not inviting the brother, especially since he’s able to blurt out such things at his own wedding, who’s to say he won’t do that to LW’s?

missJeanLouise

@short+sassy

MyNameIsNot

Oh hell no.

Also, it's time to get rid of some other family members. WhoTF is siding with the brother? 

banana468

How about a conversation vs just the apology? 

You can also forgive and that does not mean that forgiveness equals everyone forgets your actions.  The brother opted at his wedding to let the cat out of the bag on a private manner. 

Before I omit him from the guest list there would be a serious talk with him.  The apology alone is not what would get the invitation. 

MNNEBride

Oh.Hell.No.  Sister had no say in the circumstances of her conception.  She's the innocent victim here.  He chose to out a secret in a very public way which was heartless & cruel.

ei34

Yeesh. The LW is the only one who isn’t TA

banana468

Also, if the LW and brother are 5 yrs apart then my money is on the brother's dad letting the cat out of the bag.  And brother opted to take his anger out on the one person who wasn't an active participant in the entire ordeal. 

Of COURSE the mom is wanting them to make amends.  She probably harbors guilt and wants peace.  She also could have prevented this by either not having the affair in the first place or (since we're all human and make mistakes) at least having been honest with the LW so they didn't wonder for years into adulthood WTF was going on.   

Mom's opinion here is a moo point. 

short+sassy

The LW isn't even close to the brother.  He actually ruined his own wedding...evidenced by the fact that members of his WIFE'S family are now estranged from them because of how heinous his actions were...and, for what?  To spew his pure hatred for his sister and embarrass his parents.

I'm surprised the OP has any relationship with the brother.  I would have totally cut him off after that.

It's time for the OP to be blunt and tell whatever family members have the audacity to comment on the guest list, something like, "My brother only invited me to his wedding to make a hateful, public display against me.  I can't fathom why you think I should invite him but, it doesn't matter.  You can think I'm an AH if you want to, but he is the last person I would ever invite."

kvruns

This is so weird, why in the world would you do that during your own wedding. Either the brother was really drunk, or something is missing in the details that then prompted this outburst. Otherwise that just seems even more bizarre. Like why would you pick your own wedding to unload like that??

climbingsingle

Holy shit. IMO what the brother did is unforgiveable. Wow. 

kerbohl

kvruns said:

This is so weird, why in the world would you do that during your own wedding. Either the brother was really drunk, or something is missing in the details that then prompted this outburst. Otherwise that just seems even more bizarre. Like why would you pick your own wedding to unload like that??

Right?  So bizarre!  And if you were pissed she was there .... why invite her then?  It makes more sense to not invite her, then when she asks tell her. Which still makes him the AH, but at least in a private manner and not in front of family and friends. 

banana468

It's interesting that people are seeing the LW as a female.  Did I miss something that gave this information? 

VarunaTT

I feel bad for LW that these 2 issues are being conflated.  B/c the brother did a really terrible thing and probably some other bad behavior by other family members in the background that LW doesn't know.

LW is NTA and if LW wanted to tell the family members involving themselves in the wedding guest list that they are off the list too, I'd completely validate LW for that.

Then LW can start working on their feelings and relationship with their brother if they even want to.

banana468

Also, since the mom and her husband are now divorced I am assuming that the extended family are sympathetic to the mom.  Who knows - maybe there were other extenuating circumstances at the time that may not excuse infidelity but help to explain things that were happening.  If these extended family members are aware of what has happened then they are likely to have a sympathetic ear of the mom and desire to be the peace makers.  Wanting everything to "be better" is also not a reason that he gets the invitation.  

MyNameIsNot

banana468 said:

It's interesting that people are seeing the LW as a female.  Did I miss something that gave this information? 

Funny, I read LW as a guy.

The first comment on reddit is OP saying they thought not inviting brother might be "a dick move." I generally associate men with being dicks, but I guess anyone can be one. 

downtondiva

Yeah NTA 100% after what the brother did. I wouldn't invite him or want him in my life either.

MesmrEwe

LW - You aren't the AH....  If anything, the LW is the only non-AH in this group of people... The brother seems a tad narcissistic - who brings that type of thing out at their wedding no matter how drunk they are... 

The one thought I did have though is questioning the consensual aspect of her conception as that may be a reason the Mom wasn't fully forthcoming about matters (like telling her "Your sperm donor is actually AH #6 in the story.."..)

mrsconn23

LW is so not TA.  And if they don't invite their brother, they'd be totally justified. 

Also, what the what at LW's family.  I'd honestly run off and get married and leave the lot of them behind.  What a mess and for brother to out something so private during his wedding.  Like...why?   I'd never trust him again if he's capable of that kind of cruelty.