Wedding Woes

Rational? No. Tell him to take a flying leap

I am in the process of being diagnosed with a disorder of the autonomic nervous system, and I have recently been suffering from what is likely gastroparesis. I’m barely able to eat and have lost five pounds in a week; I’m vomiting upwards of seven times per day and have needed IV fluids three times in seven days because I can’t keep fluids down. I also injured my back right before this flare up of symptoms and still have occasionally severe pain. (The condition can also cause chronic pain.) I’m already on a lot of medications, and I’d like to explore the possibility of medicinal marijuana if my stomach symptoms and pain persist, but my husband is military and was raised to be very against any kind of drugs. We also have two young children, and he worries about them being exposed to drugs or accidentally consuming it. I have tried to broach the subject with him before, but for severe mental health issues instead of physical. I just want him to have an open mind about things and see how much I’m suffering. Is it even possible to have a rational conversation about it with him?

— Seriously, I Just Want to Eat

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Re: Rational? No. Tell him to take a flying leap

  • If you’re in a state where medicinal is legal get a prescription from a doctor and have at it. If you have young children, be sure to secure it properly, but they don’t need to see you do it. And if they do say, “this is a prescription to make Mom/Dad feel better, like when you have a cough and need to take medicine. We don’t used medicine when we’re not sick”. If they’re older have a conversation about drug use or moderation if you’re somewhere it’s fully legal. 
  • Talk to your physician and then tell your H what is recommended.  

    I "get" that if he's actually military and there's a concern about drug test there may be an issue but I haven't heard of anyone's home being searched for drugs as a part of their job or security clearance.  If you can ingest an edible and not smoke it and you keep it in the same place as any other medication I think you have to tell him to pound sand. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is he against all drugs, or just those that he's been conditioned to see as bad? I'm willing to bet he has no problems with LW taking an antibiotic or prescribed pain killer.

    Tell him to STFU and mind his own business. He doesn't have to like it, but he doesn't get to tell LW which medications to take because of his own biases. 
  • banana468 said:
    Is he against all drugs, or just those that he's been conditioned to see as bad? I'm willing to bet he has no problems with LW taking an antibiotic or prescribed pain killer.

    Tell him to STFU and mind his own business. He doesn't have to like it, but he doesn't get to tell LW which medications to take because of his own biases. 
    The only concern I'd have is if he's actual military then there could be possible drug testing and like it or not - marijuana is still not federally legal.  It's actually coming out in our state because recreational use just passed but anyone with gov. clearance could still lose it if they tested positive for it. 

    But IMO that's where the LW can confirm it won't be smoked or not in the presence of the H (like in a closed bedroom or car) where he could inhale enough smoke that he'd test positive.  If she's taking an edible then he can stfu.
    For some reason, I misread the letter that he was former military and not still active.

    That is the only "kind of" good point that could be made, is if it is illegal in their state and the H could get in trouble for it either in his house or if the LW is arrested while procuring it.  Though both of those things sound super unlikely and are easy obstacles to overcome.

    But the letter was only about that the H is anti-drugs, including pot.  The LW also calls it medical marijuana, which leads me to believe that marijuana is at least legal in their state for medical reasons.

    If a doctor recommends medical marijuana enough that they write a prescription for it, then the H can take all his anti-pot and anti-science rhetoric and stuff it.  If we were talking about any other kind of medication, it wouldn't even be a question that the LW should take any medication they need and are prescribed.  Even better, he can educate himself on how misled he and the rest of the American people have been for all these decades.

    As for concern about the children, that's such a red herring I'm only glad my eyes came back to where they are supposed to be after rolling so hard.  Yes, of course, especially if they are edibles, you don't want young children having access to marijuana.  But there are 1,000 ways from Sunday to do that.  Just like people do for lots of things that children shouldn't get into.  Here's 20 bucks for a lock box.  Go put it on a high shelf in the closet.

    I'm also dying to know if they keep a gun in the house.  Very possibly they don't.  But I could see someone getting all upset about "the children" and the "danger" they'll get into the marijuana.  While also having a gun in the house and not seeing the correlation that pot could be kept just as safe.  Plus an incident of "oh s**t, the kids got into the edibles and now they are sleepy and lethargic, better take them to the emergency room, jic" is a million times better than "oh s**t, the kids got a hold of our gun and now one of them is dead."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • One minor correction @short+sassy is that if the H remains in the military it doesn't matter if they live in a state where medical or recreational marijuana are legal.  He's subject to the federal laws and guidelines of his federal job and security clearance.

    Ex: DH has a federal security clearance.  Even though our state now allows for recreational use if he tested positive for marijuana in his system then that can jeopardize his clearance and therefore his job.  

    I agree that the LW should talk to her H and start to educate him as the uses of marijuana are profound and it's antiquated arguably racist thinking that lumps the use of marijuana into something forbidden.   If she gets this then it should be handled like any other prescription drug I'm sure they have in the home. 
  • The only way this could impact his career is if they live on-base, which means their house is literal government property and subject to entry by the government at any time or if he uses marijuana and tests positive for it.  Otherwise, it has no impact on his career.  BIL has been in the military for almost 20 years and doesn't give a flying leap if SIL and I get high AF on vacation.  So he's truly being obtuse here if they live off-base and making it harder for LW to get the help they need.  

    LW needs to talk to their doctor.  I think the H needs to come to appts with them to hear what the doctor is saying and also, so H can hear all the treatment options and drawbacks/side-effects.  Pot could truly make LW a functional human, spouse, and parent and other drugs could relieve the symptoms, but make LW less functional.  Furthermore, 'real' and 'approved' prescription opioids have killed more people via overdose.  You can't overdose on pot and it's addictiveness is not proven (I think there can be dependency issues, but it's not been proven to be physically addictive).  
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