Wedding Woes

Cutting guest list because of COVID but already got save the date

My husband and I are really struggling with our invitation list. Our wedding was postponed from October 2020 to October of this year because of COVID. We sent our save the dates in early 2020 pre-COVID, and then change the dates last August, and now because everything is different, we're anticipating a lot more people actually attending the wedding because they now have partners (so, definite plus 1s) or moved closer. Our families have also made us add ~8-10 people to our list. Our projections are going to be way off. That means some folks who we were pretty certain wouldn't come, will now come.

We hate the idea of not sending an invitation to some people who we don't talk to as often as we did (because it's been almost 2 years since they got STDs), but it honestly feels like it's gonna be necessary with the numbers going up in different ways. We had a mini-ceremony that we invited everyone to stream on our original date, so folks were part of the real thing in some way, just not the traditional in-person wedding, itself.

I guess my question is-- do we have reasoning to not send some people an actual invitation? If you've done that during COVID, how have you gone about it? I realize we're probably damned if we do and damned if we don't, and everyone's got an opinion, but everything is different now, and we just can't treat it the same way as before. I don't wanna say we'd uninvite them because the official invite hasn't gone out yet, but the people we'd "uninvite" are people who we haven't talked to in a long time because of COVID. We would NOT uninvite anyone who's given us money, didn't partake in the shower, etc, even if they're one of those folks. 

Re: Cutting guest list because of COVID but already got save the date

  • So you’d be uninviting people just because you don’t really want them there because you didn’t say no to your families?

    That’s rude. There’s no good justification for it. Do it if you want, but it’s not cool. 
  • My husband and I are really struggling with our invitation list. Our wedding was postponed from October 2020 to October of this year because of COVID. We sent our save the dates in early 2020 pre-COVID, and then change the dates last August, and now because everything is different, we're anticipating a lot more people actually attending the wedding because they now have partners (so, definite plus 1s) or moved closer. Our families have also made us add ~8-10 people to our list. Our projections are going to be way off. That means some folks who we were pretty certain wouldn't come, will now come.

    We hate the idea of not sending an invitation to some people who we don't talk to as often as we did (because it's been almost 2 years since they got STDs), but it honestly feels like it's gonna be necessary with the numbers going up in different ways. We had a mini-ceremony that we invited everyone to stream on our original date, so folks were part of the real thing in some way, just not the traditional in-person wedding, itself.

    I guess my question is-- do we have reasoning to not send some people an actual invitation? If you've done that during COVID, how have you gone about it? I realize we're probably damned if we do and damned if we don't, and everyone's got an opinion, but everything is different now, and we just can't treat it the same way as before. I don't wanna say we'd uninvite them because the official invite hasn't gone out yet, but the people we'd "uninvite" are people who we haven't talked to in a long time because of COVID. We would NOT uninvite anyone who's given us money, didn't partake in the shower, etc, even if they're one of those folks. 

    So these people got save the dates for the 2020 wedding? You HAD a wedding in 2020 and now your asking if they should be invited to the 2021 party?

    IMO I don’t think you need to… you had the wedding already, right? 

  • You've already had a wedding, right? So your invited guests were able to stream it. I think what you're talking about is a second, in-person party. But since you're already legally married, it's not the wedding that you sent those STDs for two years ago. Since that is the case, just invite whomever you want to your party to celebrate your marriage.
  • maine7mob said:
    You've already had a wedding, right? So your invited guests were able to stream it. I think what you're talking about is a second, in-person party. But since you're already legally married, it's not the wedding that you sent those STDs for two years ago. Since that is the case, just invite whomever you want to your party to celebrate your marriage.
    Ok so that’s how I read it too!

    although I’m assuming the 2020 people made the zoom? So as @STARMOON44 said, if I had found out that my friend had her zoom wedding in 2020, which I witnessed, and then was having her 2021 party, but I didn’t get to go to that because I gained a plus 1 over that course of time - I would be miffed.
    maybe not end the friendship miffed, but I’d side eye it and hang it over your head. 

  • If I'm reading correctly, you sent STDs for your 2020 wedding, you did have a scaled back wedding in 2020 with virtual guests, and are now planning a separate party in 2021. If that's correct, you're not obligated to invite anyone from the original wedding guest list. This isn't a postponed wedding; this is a completely different event.

    People understand that you had to scale back plans for your wedding in 2020 and that their invitation was "converted" to virtual. You just need to be sure to avoid confusing people by calling this upcoming event a wedding. 
  • If I'm reading correctly, you sent STDs for your 2020 wedding, you did have a scaled back wedding in 2020 with virtual guests, and are now planning a separate party in 2021. If that's correct, you're not obligated to invite anyone from the original wedding guest list. This isn't a postponed wedding; this is a completely different event.

    People understand that you had to scale back plans for your wedding in 2020 and that their invitation was "converted" to virtual. You just need to be sure to avoid confusing people by calling this upcoming event a wedding. 
    I agree with this- I thought save the dates had gone out for this celebration 
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