Dear Prudence,
I’m very concerned about my daughter-in-law and how she is affecting my son. They have been together for a long time, nearly 15 years. She was his first serious girlfriend and he was a late-bloomer, so we were relieved he found someone. We normally get on quite well; she is polite and does seem to care about my son, although she can be rather loud and bossy whereas he is quieter. In the beginning she was much more feminine and slimmer. Over the years she has gone up at least one or two dress sizes. I’ve tried talking about the health issues of other large family members as a hint that weight gain is a dangerous path, but she seems unconcerned and says “she just loves food.”
However, now there’s a new problem: She increasingly dresses in a manly way. Which would be fine if she was gay, but she is my son’s wife! She has cut her hair short and always wears full shirts (not blouses) and chinos; she’s also got tattoos down her arms. I fear she is going to make life difficult for herself at work. I also worry she is emasculating my son. He is a sweet person who probably doesn’t want to say anything to hurt her feelings, but he can’t be happy about having a wife who looks so butch. I need a way to tell her that she has a responsibility to keep her appearance in a way that flatters herself and her husband. My husband thinks we should just leave it alone, but she has no parents of her own, so I feel I’m the only one who can give her advice.
— Worried About My Son