"I just don't have the time to get to it."

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m a mother of three small children and love to knit during my down time. Mostly I just knit for my kids, but the last two years my sister has asked me to knit my niece a sweater for her birthday. I was excited to do it the first year, but with yarn costs and shipping overseas it ended up being an $80 sweater. When she asked me the next year I was definitely less enthusiastic but ended up feeling guilty since I do knit my children so much. I spent almost $100 that time around! Now she’s had another baby and wants me to send her things too! This wouldn’t seem like such a huge deal to me, but she never sends my kids anything. Literally, nothing! She doesn’t even transfer a bit of money for them for Christmas or birthdays. This year alone I’ve spent over $200 on yarn/shipping, and that doesn’t even include the countless hours I’ve spent knitting the sweaters! How do I talk to her about this?

— Knitting Broke

charlotte989875

Take your kids out of it; do you want to keep doing these as a gift? If yes then do it because you want to. If no, then stop and say you don’t have the time. 

mrsconn23

I make things as gifts because I enjoy it and it's therapeutic for me. But I also promise no one anything because I can't do commissions, as it's too much pressure on my time.  I have a job for doing things like upholding timelines and standards.

LW, you have three small kids.  That's excuse enough to tell your sister you can't.  Also, who cares if you make stuff for your kids?  Send it to her, if you want to, after your kids grow out of the things you make.  

ETA: This is truly an issue between LW and their sister.  And LW needs to use their damn words as it sounds one-sided because they haven't said shit to their sister about the time and money suck these projects can be for them.   I wonder what their dynamic is regularly, as it sounds like sister is overseas.  Seriously though, LW needs to find their words and what LW does for their kids isn't up for discussion regarding their projects they do for their sister. 

banana468

Gifts shouldn't be reciprocal but this is looking one-sided. 

The requestor is the LW's sister.  LW can say, "Look - I'm happy to do this once in a while however the costs and time to do these are starting to add up to the point that they're prohibitive.  If you can Venmo me the money I'm happy to put this together." 

short+sassy

The LW needs to figure out what they want and then...oh, I don't know...have a basic conversation with their sister, smh.

Is it the money?  Is it the time?  Is it both and they don't want to do it anymore?  How can the sister possibly know the LW is feeling resentful and taken advantage of, if the LW has never said anything.

Especially if it's mainly the money, it would have been super easy to say for the second sweater request, "Ya know, sis.  I'd be happy to knit another sweater for Niece.  But I need you to pay for the materials.  They will be about $80." 

And geez.  It's perfectly fine, LW, for you to knit a s**t ton for YOUR OWN KIDS and not do that for anybody else.  I have no idea why you'd even feel guilty about that and feel like you "have to".

missJeanLouise

I ask people to buy the materials they want me to use. 

charlotte989875

mrsconn23 said:

I make things as gifts because I enjoy it and it's therapeutic for me. But I also promise no one anything because I can't do commissions, as it's too much pressure on my time.  I have a job for doing things like upholding timelines and standards.

LW, you have three small kids.  That's excuse enough to tell your sister you can't.  Also, who cares if you make stuff for your kids?  Send it to her, if you want to, after your kids grow out of the things you make.  

ETA: This is truly an issue between LW and their sister.  And LW needs to use their damn words as it sounds one-sided because they haven't said shit to their sister about the time and money suck these projects can be for them.   I wonder what their dynamic is regularly, as it sounds like sister is overseas.  Seriously though, LW needs to find their words and what LW does for their kids isn't up for discussion regarding their projects they do for their sister. 

I wonder what the sisters take would be? Like does sister think LW loves making these sweaters and appreciates that she’s giving specifics about what the kids like?