Why I don't talk about politics with some people

short+sassy

My younger son (12) typically has a difficult time making friends. He has had one close friend (Sam) since he started school. Sam is a great kid and lives on the next street, so it’s perfect! Over the last year, we have hosted a number of socially distanced bonfires in the back yard where a small group of friends would sit around, have a few drinks and chat. I started inviting Sam’s parents to these parties and thought they enjoyed them. I was just informed by Sam’s mom that they will no longer participate because they feel attacked. The conversations at these fires can sometimes get political, not everyone agrees on everything, and Sam’s parents are definitely pretty far right from most of my friend group, politically. But no one has ever been uncivil as far as I can tell. Regardless, I completely understand if they feel uncomfortable and no longer want to attend. However, I’m very concerned about the future friendship of my son and Sam. They seem to be hanging out less and less recently, and I can’t help but think my incompatibility with Sam’s parents is the cause. Is there anything I can do to fix this?

maine7mob

If you want to preserve Sam and your son's friendship, you might have to reach out one on one to his mom and just tell her that you don't want your political differences to affect your sons' relationship.

I do get where she is coming from. Back when we thought the pandemic was waning in Maine, I attended a tea party (indoors! shocking to think about now!) and it turned out that everyone there was fairly right wing. It was super awkward for me. I never felt attacked, but I did feel like I couldn't express my opinions on things. I'm guessing Sam's mom felt like this, too. It's hard to get close to people you can't be yourself around.

Do you feel like you can be transparent with this woman? Just tell her that you know it feels awkward to be in a setting where you have a minority POV, but surely you can find other common ground? Sports? Hobbies? If you keep showing her your humanity, it will be harder for her to cast you as "other." That's all I got.

banana468

Can you talk to Sam's mom?  IMO, this is why some situations are best dealt with directly. 

short+sassy

Sam's mom already opened the door to this discussion.  I think it would go a long way for the LW to call back Sam's mom and say something like, "I've given a lot of thought to what you said.  I am so sorry that you and your husband felt attacked.  I had not picked up on that or I would have tried to steer the conversation away from politics.  I understand your feelings and appreciate that you told me.  I hope it won't affect the relationship between my son and Sam.  Sam is a great kid and I know my son really values the friendship they have."

kerbohl

Politics is always a polarizing subject.  I've been in conversations where I definitely feel like the minority POV.  It's not always fun, but you do have to realize that people aren't attacking you just by having their own views and talking about them.

I wonder what the conversation was really like.  Were people attacking them, or were they just vocalizing what they thought and Sam's parents are the type that think anyone who just says an opinion that is opposite theirs is out to get them?

Regardless though, maybe don't have a rousing discussion on politics the first time you meet new people, or are interacting with people you don't know too well.