Practice your raised eyebrow and cool, but polite, tone of voice

short+sassy

My SIL (my husband’s brother’s wife) is a mean girl. We live in the same town, so we see each other often, and she always manages to make snarky remarks about me or my family. I know my MIL is annoyed about her behavior as well. I am always taken aback by her comments so I don’t respond well in the moment.

For example, on a family trip, each family was supposed to prepare a meal. She told me that her kids didn’t want to eat the meal I made because it had weird ingredients. I’m very confident in my cooking abilities. Also, I had to make something that met all the various family dietary requirements (vegetarian, gluten-free, low-sodium, and low-potassium) so I made something basic that I had made several times before that didn’t have weird ingredients (unless you consider beans weird).

Most recently, we had a family pool party, and my husband was playing games in the pool with our kids and nieces and nephews and she asked me if he was drunk. He definitely wasn’t. He is just trying to have fun. I never know what she is going to say, and I don’t do well at coming up with clever rebuttals off the top of my head. I think of things later I could say, but then it’s too late. As far as I can tell, she never says rude things to my husband, only me whenever we are out of earshot of the rest of the family. Any recommendations on how to shut down her rude comments?

banana468

Do not say more than you need to.

If the response is that her kids aren't eating the food then IMO that doesn't require an answer.  If her question is, "Is he drunk?" then tilt your head, furrow your brow and with a judgemental face say, "No." 

I will say regarding meals that when you're dealing with kids if there's group preparation it is nice but not required to confirm what you're making if the goal is that everyone eats it OR say, "Hey I'm making Frito pie for dinner Friday.  If that's not going to work for your family then you may want to prepare alternate food.  I'll be using the oven from 4-5 PM that day." 

short+sassy

Unfortunately, there probably isn't shutting down her rude comments.  It's part of her personality.  

A general tactic might be to reply to her snark comment with a question.  Like (with a quizzical look), "Why would you say that?"

For the specific examples given:

"Which ingredients are weird?"
(said with a side-eye and an astonished tone), "Of course H is not drunk.  Why would you think he is?"

banana468

short+sassy said:

Unfortunately, there probably isn't shutting down her rude comments.  It's part of her personality.  

A general tactic might be to reply to her snark comment with a question.  Like (with a quizzical look), "Why would you say that?"

For the specific examples given:

"Which ingredients are weird?"
(said with a side-eye and an astonished tone), "Of course H is not drunk.  Why would you think he is?"

Exactly.  It's likely to not change but there are ways to respond.

MIL is the snide one in the family and she whispered in my ear how she had to clean up after everyone when BIL and SIL visited with their kids.  She commented how  it was SO TIRING to clean up after SIL and my comment to her was "That's not nice MIL."  

missJeanLouise

I would play it like I do with sexist and make her explain it, like S+S said. 
She is just trying to create drama, which when she figures out you don't participate in, will taper off eventually.