Deciding Free Hotel Rooms

knottie68dae26e8ba6875e

My fiancé and I are very fortunate to have a family member pay for a "cottage" (more like a large townhouse) at our venue where members of the bridal party can stay and we can all hangout. It would be a good home base so to speak and a great spot to do some grilling and getting ready on the day of. In terms of accommodations it has a master, two rooms with two double beds each, and a pull out couch. Our dilemma is the night of the rehearsal dinner and the night after the wedding we are not sure how to go about deciding who will stay there.

It would be free for the people staying there but can only fit 12 and our wedding party plus their dates comes out to 16 people (12 wedding party members +  4 significant others). Our first thought was to put up the people who we know have tighter finances and try to ease some of that burden but now I'm afraid we might offend people who think they deserve to be in the cottage over others. I'm also not really sure how to explain the situation to everyone without people trying to be polite and say it doesn't matter when in reality is DOES matter to them or having everyone contacting me trying to lobby for a spot. People who stay in a hotel room and not the cottage will have to pay for their room themselves because we can't afford to pay for them. My other thought was sense me and the bridesmaids are getting ready there on the day of the wedding all the bridesmaids and their dates could stay over after the rehearsal dinner and the following night of the wedding give the groomsmen the rooms. Basically bridesmaids Friday night then groomsmen Saturday night and the groomsmen hotel rooms Friday night can become the bridesmaids rooms Saturday night (plus they can split the cost of a hotel room between 4-6 people instead of 2-3). Obviously I'm not going to force someone into switching rooms and moving around if they don't want to. If people would rather just stay in a hotel room that's totally fine, I just wanted to throw the option out there to them.

How do we decide who gets to stay here and how do we approach the subject with people?

MyNameIsNot

knottie68dae26e8ba6875e said:

My fiancé and I are very fortunate to have a family member pay for a "cottage" (more like a large townhouse) at our venue where members of the bridal party can stay and we can all hangout. It would be a good home base so to speak and a great spot to do some grilling and getting ready on the day of. In terms of accommodations it has a master, two rooms with two double beds each, and a pull out couch. Our dilemma is the night of the rehearsal dinner and the night after the wedding we are not sure how to go about deciding who will stay there.

It would be free for the people staying there but can only fit 12 and our wedding party plus their dates comes out to 16 people (12 wedding party members +  4 significant others). Our first thought was to put up the people who we know have tighter finances and try to ease some of that burden but now I'm afraid we might offend people who think they deserve to be in the cottage over others. I'm also not really sure how to explain the situation to everyone without people trying to be polite and say it doesn't matter when in reality is DOES matter to them or having everyone contacting me trying to lobby for a spot. People who stay in a hotel room and not the cottage will have to pay for their room themselves because we can't afford to pay for them. My other thought was sense me and the bridesmaids are getting ready there on the day of the wedding all the bridesmaids and their dates could stay over after the rehearsal dinner and the following night of the wedding give the groomsmen the rooms. Now this is where it gets a little complicated... sense the hotel requires a two night stay for our room block the groomsmen and bridesmaids that switch out from the cottage could also just swap the hotel room too that way it's booked for the minimum number of nights, but I'm not sure if that's making things too complicated at this point.

How do we decide who gets to stay here and how do we approach the subject with people?

I don't see how you can invite some but not all and not come off like you're playing favorites. 

If there's an obvious line, like only your siblings or honor attendants, that would make sense. Otherwise, just let them all handle their own accommodations. 

MesmrEwe

IMO - Both sets of parents, and possibly the two of you the night before if you need a place to stay...  Possibly grandparents next...

charlotte989875

I would not plan anything that would require people to switch rooms/ locations the day of the wedding. That’s a huge hassle. 

If you do want people to stay with you (and it’s totally fine if you don’t!) I might do just MOH/BM and their partners. Or you parents. But I would not selected based on perceived finances. That’s a recipe for hurt feelings no matter how it shakes out. 

knottie68dae26e8ba6875e

Update: I know it's two years later but thought I'd share what ended up happening... We ended up having whoever in the wedding party that was in town the night before the rehearsal the option to stay at the townhouse, the night after the rehearsal and after the wedding it was bridesmaids and plus ones (my husband and I had a hotel room that night). Parents/grandparents really didn't want to stay there sense they felt like this was an important time for us to have with our close friends, especially the one's we don't get to see very often.

Nobody's feelings were hurt and everyone had a blast. All in all we were over thinking the whole thing. My advice to other's who are reading this in a similar situation is to go with your gut. You now your people and they most likely will just be happy to celebrate you! If they really have a problem with it then it's up to them to talk to you about it and to calmly find a solution without reacting on your surface level emotions, let things sink in before you make a decision.