Wedding Woes

Classic: Just show up with the rental and insist on driving.

Next month I will be going to visit my grandparents with my husband and son. We will be flying and won’t have our vehicle with us. We had planned on renting a car, but my grandparents keep saying we don’t need to. But I’m terrified of riding with them. My grandmother has been involved in several serious accidents in recent years. And the last few times I rode with my grandfather he almost drove into oncoming traffic more than once. Is there a polite way of explaining that we’d be more comfortable renting a car?

Re: Classic: Just show up with the rental and insist on driving.

  • "Oh thank you but we couldn't burden you with the need to drive us around."  


  • Just show up in the rental car, but also, I'd talk to whichever parent/aunt/uncle is their HCP and mention the decline in driving skills.  Both grandparents sound like a danger to themselves and others when behind the wheel.  I know the health care proxy steps in when a loved one can't make a decision for themselves, but could that person (or someone else?) also have a conversation with the grandparents regarding safest ways of getting around as they get older?
  • ei34 said:
    Just show up in the rental car, but also, I'd talk to whichever parent/aunt/uncle is their HCP and mention the decline in driving skills.  Both grandparents sound like a danger to themselves and others when behind the wheel.  I know the health care proxy steps in when a loved one can't make a decision for themselves, but could that person (or someone else?) also have a conversation with the grandparents regarding safest ways of getting around as they get older?
    SO MUCH THIS.

    A person who is in frequent accidents is going to start to be a danger to others if they aren't already.  The appropriate action is not to put your head in the sand when the actions of these people are putting the lives of others at risk.

    Imagine that - doing things because it's for the greater good.
  • Polite?  Are you kidding me?  What is wrong with the LW?  It's way past time for a blunt CTJ talk with the grandparents.  Before they kill themselves or someone else.

    My H and his then-wife tried to have this conversation with her father.  They had long refused to be in the car with him driving and he knew exactly why.  But he refused to stop driving.   I know it can't be easy to admit to yourself you can't drive anymore and to give up on that independence.  I dread the day I might find myself in that position.  But his stubbornness cost him his life when he mistook the freeway off-ramp for the on-ramp and started driving the wrong way down the freeway.  He was in a head-on collision going 60+ mph.  He also killed 4 out of the 5 people in the other car.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ei34 said:
    Just show up in the rental car, but also, I'd talk to whichever parent/aunt/uncle is their HCP and mention the decline in driving skills.  Both grandparents sound like a danger to themselves and others when behind the wheel.  I know the health care proxy steps in when a loved one can't make a decision for themselves, but could that person (or someone else?) also have a conversation with the grandparents regarding safest ways of getting around as they get older?
    As healthcare providers we are absolutely mandated to report to the DMV if we feel someone isn’t competent to drive. There’s a whole DMV reporting form and everything. 


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  • Polite?  Are you kidding me?  What is wrong with the LW?  It's way past time for a blunt CTJ talk with the grandparents.  Before they kill themselves or someone else.

    My H and his then-wife tried to have this conversation with her father.  They had long refused to be in the car with him driving and he knew exactly why.  But he refused to stop driving.   I know it can't be easy to admit to yourself you can't drive anymore and to give up on that independence.  I dread the day I might find myself in that position.  But his stubbornness cost him his life when he mistook the freeway off-ramp for the on-ramp and started driving the wrong way down the freeway.  He was in a head-on collision going 60+ mph.  He also killed 4 out of the 5 people in the other car.
    What a horror.

    Too often grown adults like to think that being an adult means that they get to keep doing what they're doing and do not get to be questioned or told that they're engaging in actions that are a risk to others.   It's obviously a problem now w/ the behavior seen w/ those who unmask and who aren't vaccinated and I dread when DH has to tell his dad one day that he needs to stop driving. 
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