"I found something disturbing I can't disclose for legal reasons. I'm sorry you don't understand."

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I discovered photos of a young naked boy on my husband’s phone. I reported it to the police and an investigation was opened, including a Department of Children and Family Services case. I got an emergency order of protection since I was sure he would see my action as a sign of betrayal and be enraged. The police couldn’t charge him with a crime since there were no lewd acts taking place with the young boy, but made it clear that there are lots of red flags to indicate he has a problem. I am moving forward with a divorce to protect my child. I can only share the emergency order and DCFS case info, but not the cause, as he could sue me for defamation. I am struggling with how to deal with close friends and family who do NOT know the truth and are taking his side and treating me like the enemy.

— How Do I Take the High Road?

CharmedPam

“My stbx is not the man I thought he was.  He’s not the man YOU think he is.  We’re going our separate ways”. 

banana468

"I am unfortunately not legally allowed to disclose the personal details.  I hope you understand that this was not a decision made lightly." 

However I would reach out to authorities to ask how to handle both the care of your child and how you should handle situations if you know others are entrusting him to care for their minor children.  This goes into the territory of also wanting to protect not just your child but the children of others.

short+sassy

OMG, I can't even imagine!  Yikes!

But agree with the PPs.  Say something generalized.  Just because people want answers, doesn't mean they get them.  Though also agree about phrasing/words that can be used to warn others if there could be a situation when the stbxh would be around minor children.

charlotte989875

short+sassy said:

OMG, I can't even imagine!  Yikes!

But agree with the PPs.  Say something generalized.  Just because people want answers, doesn't mean they get them.  Though also agree about phrasing/words that can be used to warn others if there could be a situation when the stbxh would be around minor children.

This. So much this. Why do we think we have to tell people something just because they ask?! 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

short+sassy said:

OMG, I can't even imagine!  Yikes!

But agree with the PPs.  Say something generalized.  Just because people want answers, doesn't mean they get them.  Though also agree about phrasing/words that can be used to warn others if there could be a situation when the stbxh would be around minor children.

This. So much this. Why do we think we have to tell people something just because they ask?! 

We're in a society of needing the info and wanting the information!  

But in this situation I'd do my best to be as private and clear that there was a reason as possible.  If the authorities are saying that there is an issue here though I'm not understanding why the LW is not at liberty to say, "The nude I found of a boy tells me that he's not fit to ever have custody of our child."  How is that not going to play out in court? 

maine7mob

I sure hope the OP has some way of protecting her child when, say, Aunt Sarah, who is creepy husband's sister, wants to have her nephew over to play with his cousins while her brother is there. How is OP going to stop this from happening without saying, 'Oh, BTW, Sarah, your brother is possibly a pedo and that's why we're divorcing?"

VarunaTT

Something doesn't quite add up here to me.  LW can share the order and the DCFS case, but not the cause b/c of defamation issues?  I'm curious as to what the spouse does.

Also, I don't effin' care.  The cops couldn't charge him, but clearly there's enough evidence that they're telling her there are red flags?  People need to stop effin' around with protecting family members who molest children.  I'd be hollering it to the hills and eff the people who still chose his side over me and my child.  IDK what her divorce needs to look like, and I'd abide by whatever I needed to, take make sure I had full custody, but I'd make sure to find some way to warn other people.