Dear Prudence,
My mother is a very anxious person, and has very little to occupy herself in the way of friends, hobbies, etc. The pandemic has only amplified this situation. She spends much of her time on the computer reading sensationalized or horrific news stories. She then forwards these articles on to me, my sibling, and our spouses—especially if she knows we might be able to somehow relate. For example, I have a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old and live in a mountain town. Just in the last few days I’ve received emails with links to stories about a 3-year-old who died from a rare brain eating amoeba after visiting a community splash pad, a woman who was mauled to death by a bear while out for a walk in a suburban neighborhood not far from my own, and a 6-year-old who was killed in a freak accident on an amusement park ride. I rarely read the articles, but she’ll put something in the subject line summarizing the traumatic event, and she’ll ask me later if I read it, and want to discuss it.
Given my upbringing and genetics, I also struggle with anxiety, and I’m very careful about my news consumption and have been in therapy to learn to control catastrophizing thought patterns. When I’ve tried to ask my mother to stop sending these emails and explain their effect on me, she becomes very defensive and says that I need to be “aware” and “educated” so I can keep my children safe. She’ll stop for a while, and then in a few days or more send me something else, saying it was “too important” to let me “choose ignorance.”
I try to be sympathetic to her mental health status, and tell myself that this is how she tries to exert some control over a world she feels is unsafe. However, it is exhausting for me, mentally, and I’m tired of being derailed and having to recoup in the middle of my day from these unexpected triggers. I don’t know how to preserve our fragile relationship, but also set a firm boundary.
— Guarding My Inbox