Wedding Woes

Not feeling it's a meet-cute, but a meet-creepy.

Dear Prudence,

I just moved cities and met this guy on Instagram who seemed nice. He goes to the same gym that I go to and started following me. Now, I don’t know why, but I feel like I shouldn’t really be texting him. There are no red flags, nothing is off, and all that I have is this gut feeling that I should probably stop replying.

We haven’t talked about anything really, only our workout routines, and he let go when I didn’t give him my number. Like I’ve said, I only just moved, and he’s the first person I met. Plus, I do have some relationship issues and can be paranoid sometimes. I’m afraid to keep this going, and I’m also afraid to make things awkward. What should I do? Should I trust my gut or wait? If I do trust my gut, should I tell him or should I just ghost the guy?

— Instagram Pen Pal

Re: Not feeling it's a meet-cute, but a meet-creepy.

  • Has your gut lead you astray or are you naturally suspicious? 

  • I can't remember the podcast I was listening to in the last day or so, but it was talking about how your brain hates change and so it makes you feel discomfort.  However, people take that feeling as your gut/brain telling you something is 'wrong', when it really has more to do with not wanting change.  Anyway, it was basically a message about pushing through change to find the right situation for yourself or whatever. 

    But I feel like this LW needs to explore that theme.  If everything the guy has said/done has been aboveboard and 'normal', then maybe LW's past issues and paranoia are what's clouding a perfectly fine interaction.  LW doesn't need to continue to talk to this guy if they don't want to, but if they feel like there's more to the why they may not want to do so then they should sit with that/think on it. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I vote ghost him. Sometimes our gut feeling is our brains picking up on something that our conscience observations are overlooking. 

    It could just be paranoia, but weigh the cost/benefit here. Say dude is perfectly normal and you ghost him. Well, you missed out on an opportunity to be friends/potentially date some guy that you don't seem particularly interested in anyway. On the other hand, if he's a creep and you push past your spidey senses to hang out with him anyway, it could turn out very badly.
  • Team listen to your gut. I get that guts can be wrong but society tells women we’re overly sensitive, we’re wrong to turn down the attention of men and I think we need to lean more into that. 
  • The LW is probably being paranoid, but that really doesn't matter.

    They feel uncomfortable continuing to text this person and that's reason enough to stop.  But there isn't much invested into this friendship/relationship yet, so I think it's better to ghost....and I'm normally very anti-ghosting, lol.  I think it would be weird to give some big explanation as to why they don't want text anymore.

    However, since they go to the same gym, maybe the OP is more comfortable talking to the guy in-person.  That could be a way to get to know the guy better and see if fears are alleviated and a friendship develops.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I feel like there's something else at play here.  They're texting about their workout routines over Instagram.  He didn't push when, presumably, he asked for LW's number and LW said no.  I kinda feel like LW's borrowing some trouble because of anxiety..  HOWEVER, there's no issue with not responding to the messages if LW doesn't want to.  I think LW needs to have a response ready if he asks while they're both at the gym.  Just something casual like, "Oh, I just don't really pay attention to my DMs" or something.  Or hell, LW can just say, "I don't want to respond to messages".  Because LW seems anxious, preparation is key.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards