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catholic couple no church

we're both catholic but are not getting married in a church, (a barn actually). I'd like to have a deacon officiate, is this possible? 
Otherwise, how can we incorporate some religion into an outdoor ceremony?
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Re: catholic couple no church

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    If you are both Catholic, the church will only marry you in a Catholic church.  A Catholic priest or deacon will not marry two Catholics outside of a church. Exceptions are very rare and require extenuating circumstances and special permission from the bishop.

    It is up to you to decide what is important to you in your marriage.  If you want your marriage to be recognized as valid by the Catholic church, you will have to rethink your plans and get married in a church.  If that's not important to you, you can probably find a non-denominational Christian minister to perform your wedding and include Bible readings in the ceremony in order to incorporate religion.
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    Ditto PP on wedding having to be in a church unless there are extenuating circumstances (and wanting an outside wedding or just the ease of having the wedding at your ceremony site doesn't count).

    If, however, you are not concerned about having your wedding recognized by the church, you can make it feel as religious as you want. You can have a rent-a-priest officiate (these are ex-preiests and the wedding will not be recognized by the Church, but will give it a Catholic feel). You can get your hired officiant to say as many prayers/do as many readings as you like. One can easily write a Catholic ceremony...it just won't be recognized by the Church unless you follow her rules.

    If either (or both) of you is serious about your faith or if you want to raise your kids in the Church, I would recommend talking to a priest about your options sooner rather than later.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    I'm getting married outside by a pastor, so there will be a religious tone to the ceremony.  I'm also including the presentations of flowers to the Virgin Mary with my mother beside me.  She and my sister both eloped, so I'm the last to do this in our family.  We won't be having a communion or anything.  You can also include biblical readings in your ceremony.
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    FYI-You can have you kids baptized and raise your kids catholic even if you are not married in a catholic church...I checked since the Catholic church would not let us get married in my church :(
    Anniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-couple-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:5754d879-8d06-4b41-95b1-26369d5f2a79Post:4f452164-ad48-4ec6-8151-656cef0afb7a">Re: catholic couple no church</a>:
    [QUOTE]FYI-You can have you kids baptized and raise your kids catholic even if you are not married in a catholic church...I checked since the Catholic church would not let us get married in my church :(
    Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

    It's true that you can have your child baptized even if you weren't married in the church, but the priest performing the baptism will want to understand the reasons why you did not get married in the church. He will also want to be sure that at least one of you is serious about the Catholic faith and going to raise the child in it. It's up to the priest whether or not he feels comfortable with baptizing the child once he's gotten all the information. Priests can turn away parents whom they feel are not upholding the Catholic faith.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-couple-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:5754d879-8d06-4b41-95b1-26369d5f2a79Post:93cced42-6fa2-4079-8096-49ee89578e58">Re: catholic couple no church</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: catholic couple no church : It's true that you can have your child baptized even if you weren't married in the church, but the priest performing the baptism will want to understand the reasons why you did not get married in the church. He will also want to be sure that at least one of you is serious about the Catholic faith and going to raise the child in it. It's up to the priest whether or not he feels comfortable with baptizing the child once he's gotten all the information. Priests can turn away parents whom they feel are not upholding the Catholic faith.
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

    Most catholics who cannot get married in a catholic church are still upholding the catholic faith for example I could not get married in my church because my fiancee is divorced.   You might want to think about how a phrase "not upholding the catholic faith" may sound or make people feel. 
    Anniversary
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    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-couple-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:5754d879-8d06-4b41-95b1-26369d5f2a79Post:79d15292-b92f-47f5-9f78-7d12a6d6d2c3">Re: catholic couple no church</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: catholic couple no church : Most catholics who cannot get married in a catholic church are still upholding the catholic faith for example I could not get married in my church because my fiancee is divorced.   You might want to think about how a phrase "not upholding the catholic faith" may sound or make people feel. 
    Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

    Just because someone considers themselves a Catholic doesn't mean they are actually upholding the Catholic faith.  If your fiance (not fiancee) is divorced and hasn't received an anullment, technically he will be committing adultery.  You having a marriage that is not recognized by the church is not actually upholding the Catholic faith.  Since the Catholic church won't recognize your marriage, you will technically be having extra-marital sex.

    I say this not to be rude, but as a fact of how the Catholic church looks at things.  Someone saying that they uphold the Catholic faith is not the same as actually abiding by its teachings.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-couple-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:5754d879-8d06-4b41-95b1-26369d5f2a79Post:80735de8-4c6b-49e9-8d88-57e93e620cb7">Re: catholic couple no church</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: catholic couple no church : Just because someone considers themselves a Catholic doesn't mean they are actually upholding the Catholic faith.  If your fiance (not fiancee) is divorced and hasn't received an anullment, technically he will be committing adultery.  You having a marriage that is not recognized by the church is not actually upholding the Catholic faith.  Since the Catholic church won't recognize your marriage, you will technically be having extra-marital sex. I say this not to be rude, but as a fact of how the Catholic church looks at things.  Someone saying that they uphold the Catholic faith is not the same as actually abiding by its teachings.
    Posted by SaraAndrew2010[/QUOTE]

    Well since my fiance is not catholic...so it is not considered adultery.   I know already that when we have a child we will be able to have the child baptized because I am catholic and have never been married before this marriage.  According to the priest for a child to be baptized in the Roman Catholic Church, there must be a basis for hope that the child will be raised in the Catholic faith. In practice, this generally means that at least one parent is Catholic.  The parents do not have to be married in a catholic church.  Your self-rightous attitude is not appreciated. 
    Anniversary
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    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-couple-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:5754d879-8d06-4b41-95b1-26369d5f2a79Post:ff52d661-6dbc-4d1f-873b-213cb992630a">Re: catholic couple no church</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: catholic couple no church : Well since my fiance is not catholic...so it is not considered adultery.   I know already that when we have a child we will be able to have the child baptized because I am catholic and have never been married before this marriage.  According to the priest for a child to be baptized in the Roman Catholic Church, there must be a basis for hope that the child will be raised in the Catholic faith. In practice, this generally means that at least one parent is Catholic.  The parents do not have to be married in a catholic church.  Your self-rightous attitude is not appreciated. 
    Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

    I never said anything about whether or not you'd be able to baptize your child in the Catholic church.  I only responded to your criticism of a Riss who did a good job of summarizing the potential consequences of choosing not to get married in the Catholic church.  

    It was not my intention to be self-righteous.  I never said that I judge you for your choices. I merely attempted to explain how they could be interpretted by the church. I'm sorry if that offends you.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-couple-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:5754d879-8d06-4b41-95b1-26369d5f2a79Post:ff52d661-6dbc-4d1f-873b-213cb992630a">Re: catholic couple no church</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: catholic couple no church : Well since my fiance is not catholic...so it is not considered adultery.   I know already that when we have a child we will be able to have the child baptized because I am catholic and have never been married before this marriage.  According to the priest for a child to be baptized in the Roman Catholic Church, there must be a basis for hope that the child will be raised in the Catholic faith. In practice, this generally means that at least one parent is Catholic.  The parents do not have to be married in a catholic church.  Your self-rightous attitude is not appreciated. 
    Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]


    Actually,  the church views all non-Catholic marriages valid, unless proven otherwise, so the church honors the vows that your fiance made the first time, and considers him still to be married. The church would indeed consider it a public state of adultery if you were to marry in a civil union. I hope maybe that he'll consider seeing if his first marriage was not valid.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2010
    My intention was merely to explain that priests can turn a couple away if they do not feel the child will be brought up in a Catholic-friendly way. I never said that I personally felt anyone's actions deemed them unworthy, or a bad Catholic. I am sorry if it was interpreted that way, though I thought I was clear. I was just trying to prevent someone from making a decision today that could have a serious consequence later. Each priest is different and will have a different "comfort zone" when it comes to these determinations, so it's wise to be extra careful if this is something that you think might be important to you later on. Again, I'm sorry that you felt I was somehow deeming your specific circumstance unacceptable - I meant my advice as a more general thought.
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    Wow! I didn't expect this. That said, the ladies here have done a good job of stating what the Church teaches. Now, you may not like what the Church teaches. You may choose not to follow her teachings. They are still her teachings, though, regardless of how you may feel about them.

    Actually, the reason I suggested talking to a priest to discuss options is because, as Riss said, priests will react differently. Some are more willing to do convalidations than others. Some are more willing to do baptisms in these situations than others.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    Just in case anyone is reading this and is worried about baptism...once again...you can have your child baptized even
               if you are not married in a catholic church
               unmarried couples can too
        Thankfully, the catholic church is finally moving out of the dark ages.
       They only suggest that you could get remarried in a church. 
    Trust me,  I checked it with my priest and the archdiocese...their quote was they do not want to blame the child as long as one parent is catholic and is ging to raise the child catholic...the child can be baptized.
       
    Anniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholic-couple-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:5754d879-8d06-4b41-95b1-26369d5f2a79Post:e44fdadd-88bc-434f-9921-570d990b66cb">Re: catholic couple no church</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just in case anyone is reading this and is worried about baptism...once again...you can have your child baptized even if you are not married in a catholic church unmarried couples can too......as long as one parent is catholic and is ging to raise the child catholic...the child can be baptized.    
    Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

    isn't that what I said? right here:

    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: catholic couple no church : It's true that you can have your child baptized even if you weren't married in the church, but the priest performing the baptism will want to understand the reasons why you did not get married in the church. He will also want to be sure that at least one of you is serious about the Catholic faith and going to raise the child in it.
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]
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    Yes...Riss91, that is what you said but I just wanted to clarrify it to people who might be worried because I'm not sure if all of the other posters said that...it sounded like some thought it was up to the priest.  Sorry, I probaly should have quoted you and agreed that way it would be clearer.
    Anniversary
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