Wedding Woes

You can't change his behavior.

Dear Prudence,

My brother (a 36-year-old man) is engaging in behavior that I (a 26-year-old woman) find creepy, and I’m trying to figure out what, if anything, I can do to dissuade him. This past spring, he broke up with his 28-year-old girlfriend, and over New Year’s he introduced me to his new girlfriend.

Prudence, she’s 19. She’s just starting college, and he’s clearly her first relationship. I was kind and polite to her when we met, and encouraged her to talk about her interests, which he complained to her face are “dumb” and “childish.” My brother has always been pushy and leans towards sexism, but I never thought of him as predatory until now.

We’re in regular contact (although we are not super close), but I can’t think of anything I could do/say to encourage him to rethink this that wouldn’t make him dig in harder. Our parents aren’t in the picture, and he would probably listen to uncles or our grandfather, but unlike the women in our family, they see nothing wrong with it. I’m realizing my family is more sexist than I knew, and I’m trying to think of small, concrete things I can do to at least help this girl from getting burned hard by my brother, as is his habit in relationships.

— My Brother is a Creep

Re: You can't change his behavior.

  • The older man isn't the issue - it's he's treating her like crap...

    Befriend the GF and not so subtly give the 'Not okay AH!" if he does that type of thing because it is her brother and she probably has more flex/leeway in calling out the behavior and she needs to know it's okay to raise her standards in that's not what she deserves in a relationship...
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