Whyyyy are people so weird about pregnant bridesmaids?

Casadena

Potential bridesmaid-to-be/definite mom-to-be question. I recently accepted my friend’s request to be at her wedding in eight months. Weeks after saying yes, I found out I am pregnant. My question is, when do I tell the bride-to-be? I can say honestly, without hesitation, I would not be upset if my friend decided she’d rather not have me as a bridesmaid. She’s not the Bridezilla type—far from it!—and I think she’d probably just keep things as they are. But I want to give her the chance to decide. Again, I would really have no hard feelings.

It’s super early in the pregnancy, so I haven’t even had my first OB appointment, let alone told anyone other than my spouse. Ideally it would be 10ish more weeks before we’d tell the family. Do I wait to tell her then? Tell her earlier so she can think about it, and if she decides she wants to ask someone else then that gives her and the other prospective bridesmaid time?

banana468

I wouldn't even give her an out.   I'd tell the friend that you'll be expecting in 8 mo and to consider it for dresses. 

You don't need to tell the bride now but IMO if you do know it's a courtesy just so she can know for dresses.     

Casadena

I agree 100% with @banana468.  Just tell her matter of factly....why would you need to "give her an out".

charlotte989875

Tell her when you would normally want to tell her; a wedding doesn’t entitle you to additional information about someone’s pregnancy. 

And don’t give her an out- if she’s not a terrible person she’ll be fine, and hopefully excited for you. If not she’s a terrible friend. 

mrsconn23

Don't tell her early if you want to wait.  Tell your family first if that has been your plan all along.   And don't give her an 'out'.  

The only 'issue' may be finding a coordinating BM dress (if that's the aesthetic for her wedding), but many designers make maternity BM dresses.  

She's your friend, not some sort of 'wedding authority' you report to.  I'm sure she'll be happy about your baby as you are about her wedding/marriage. 

CharmedPam

The only thing that would concern me is if it’s an OOT wedding and travel was involved. The BM would be probably be advised not to travel.  But if local, she can still be a part of it!

banana468

CharmedPam said:

The only thing that would concern me is if it’s an OOT wedding and travel was involved. The BM would be probably be advised not to travel.  But if local, she can still be a part of it!

And even then it depends on how far away it is and where it is.

I attended a wedding at 36 weeks that was out of state.  My OB said, "Don't travel far," and I said, "I'm going to Flushing, NY.  I'm pretty sure that if I go into labor there are plenty of options for hospitals between there and central CT."  If I said that I was going into the Berkshires to a cabin in the woods it would have been a TOTALLY different story and we would have likely declined. 

MissKittyDanger

If I were the bride, I'd wanna know as soon as my friend felt comfortable telling me.
That may change things - ensuring places for dresses had maternity dresses to accommodate BM, any plans have options that are pregnancy safe, etc.
Also if BM has health issues during pregnancy, it can be ensured they are okay.

8m pregnant at alter? Might want an option to sit if wedding is long.

Also since brides and moms-to-be tend to have a lot of celebrations, I'd wanna be sure anything planned wasn't overlapping {baby shower vs bridal shower, etc}

ILoveBeachMusic

There is nothing wrong with being pregnant as a bridesmaid. However, if I'm doing to math correctly, LW would be due right around the time of the wedding. Obviously she may not even be there. I think it would be nice to tell the bride as soon as LW feels comfortable doing so but not necessarily immediately.