Here's your permission to DTMFA

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I feel terrible, but I want to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his license because of drunk driving. We’ve only been dating a few months, and I had my reservations about the relationship even before the drunk driving incident. I knew he’d driven drunk in the past, and he tried to convince me he could drive us home on New Year’s even though he was drunker than I’ve ever seen him. He’s a complete wreck, and he may lose his job.

I feel terrible but I just don’t want to be in the relationship anymore. We used to go back and forth with whoever’s apartment we went to, but his place is far away from mine, and I’m going to have to go to his house every time for the next three months. This is just not the type of relationship in which I want to put that kind of effort. I just feel awful because I don’t want to be one more terrible thing that happens to him. He’s pretty sweet, but doesn’t really have his life together in many ways. I worry that me breaking up with him is going to be something that causes his life to get way worse. I’ve been thinking that I could wait off for a few weeks to break up with him. What do you think?

— Breakup Bitch

banana468

DTMFA

He likely has a lot of issues going on, but if you're also not seeing this guy as someone for the long term then you need to be honest and say what isn't working, that HE isn't working and wash your hands.

mrsconn23

LW, dump him.  But also, maybe some introspection on why you'd take on someone with so many issues and also, not insist they don't drive drunk when you know it's clearly been a past problem. 

Seriously though, do not let him guilt you into staying through his legal issues and beyond because you were with him when he was arrested. 

downtondiva

Break up with him. You are clearly unhappy and uncomfortable in this relationship. You are not responsible for fixing your boyfriend, and you don't have to stay with him through issues that are mostly of his own making.

MyNameIsNot

OMG, this didn't "happen to him." He caused it with his irresponsible and selfish actions.

It's been a few months. Why are you feeling guilty about walking away from a relationship you don't want to be in? Maybe work on that before you start dating someone else.

CharmedPam

you wrote a letter about it, asking for advise, this means you’re already having feelings of uncertainty.  You know the answer.  You know you’re not going to be happy. 

This is almost like my situation.  Dude I was dating really was a nice guy.  we had crazy chemistry.  Oh, he’s an alcoholic and a liar.  I’m only 2 months in.  Bye Felecia.  There’s someone else out there for you, dude. And it ain’t me. 

short+sassy

I had a friend who was so intelligent and knew better.  But she let her FI drive her car all the time, even though she knew he regularly drove drunk.  He even had his own car!  He just liked her car better.

He was a bartender and didn't drink while he was working.  But, as soon as his shift was over, it was typical for him to go hit other bars with his coworkers.

I warned her, if he ever caused a accident with a fatality or serious injuries, she'd be included in the lawsuit.  Girl, is letting this guy drive your car really worth having your wages garnished for the rest of your life?  She replied with "yeah, I know, I shouldn't".

Fortunately, they broke up.  But I could never understand why she would expose herself like that.