I'm married to Pinocchio

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My husband (Matt) is the kind of person who will make a story more dramatic with every retelling. They can stray pretty far from reality, but he really seems to believe what he says. This isn’t my favorite thing about Matt, but not worth divorcing over either. I stopped correcting him in public years ago, because it always got so awkward. But recently he told one of my colleagues a dramatic story about me going into early labor the night before I was supposed to defend my dissertation. I did have a premature baby while working on my Ph.D., but our son was actually four months old when I defended my dissertation! I’m so in the habit of not correcting Matt that I just ran with it, but later my colleague repeated this false story to another person. This isn’t a lie that would jeopardize my job if it came out, but I’m not comfortable having it floating around among my colleagues either. This experience has made me realize that I need some better strategy than smiling and nodding when Matt tells some overblown story about our life. Any suggestions for how I can do that without looking like the naggy wife in a sitcom?

— Actually, That Never Happened

banana468

"Oh sweetie you are such a good storyteller but that's not quite how it happened." 

The best way to do this is going to be when he doesn't have an audience.  Let him know that you are all for a good story but when what he's saying isn't just an embellishment but revisionist history that involves you it makes you uncomfortable and if he does it you'll have to correct him publicly. 

flantastic

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,

My husband (Matt) is the kind of person who will make a story more dramatic with every retelling. They can stray pretty far from reality, but he really seems to believe what he says. This isn’t my favorite thing about Matt, but not worth divorcing over either. I stopped correcting him in public years ago, because it always got so awkward. But recently he told one of my colleagues a dramatic story about me going into early labor the night before I was supposed to defend my dissertation. I did have a premature baby while working on my Ph.D., but our son was actually four months old when I defended my dissertation! I’m so in the habit of not correcting Matt that I just ran with it, but later my colleague repeated this false story to another person. This isn’t a lie that would jeopardize my job if it came out, but I’m not comfortable having it floating around among my colleagues either. This experience has made me realize that I need some better strategy than smiling and nodding when Matt tells some overblown story about our life. Any suggestions for how I can do that without looking like the naggy wife in a sitcom?

— Actually, That Never Happened

"HA, Matt, thank you for making me sound like superwoman, but you know DS was 4 months old at my defense. All of it feels like yesterday, though!"

I'd discuss it with him, but also cut him off when he starts getting into story mode, if possible.

mrsconn23

LW you need to address this when you're alone and he's NOT telling stories in a group.  If you tried to call him out in a crowd and now have just dropped it all together, it's not like you've actually addressed it.  And since it's now impacting you professionally (perceived or reality), it's really time to bring it up. 

And this is something you do bring up in private.  Nothing, to me, is more uncomfortable than couples who are critical or cutting to each other or outright fight in public. Literally makes my asshole pucker. 

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

LW you need to address this when you're alone and he's NOT telling stories in a group.  If you tried to call him out in a crowd and now have just dropped it all together, it's not like you've actually addressed it.  And since it's now impacting you professionally (perceived or reality), it's really time to bring it up. 

And this is something you do bring up in private.  Nothing, to me, is more uncomfortable than couples who are critical or cutting to each other or outright fight in public. Literally makes my asshole pucker. 

Yup this.  You NEED to keep it private and address it privately but seriously.  If you do address it publicly it needs to be with a fun tone that isn't as a mothering teacher/corrector. 

charlotte989875

This is H’s cousin and I know it infuriates his brother and sister. Like to the point where there have been family fights. 

The best way to deal is privately, but if that doesn’t get you anywhere when it comes to stories that involve you, start correcting them- politely and with good humor, but clearly enough that it gets the point across. 

climbingsingle

My exH was like this. The same stories (always about himself though) and exaggerated each time. I can't help but see this as a red flag. 

banana468

climbingsingle said:

My exH was like this. The same stories (always about himself though) and exaggerated each time. I can't help but see this as a red flag. 

If this is a pattern of behavior I totally agree.  

I had a friend in college who would just embellish stories to the point that they weren't the truth and it was really annoying.  He had a need to be the center of attention and I think a lot of people saw through it.   

CharmedPam

My mom does this - but it’s not on purpose. She gets her stories mixed up all the time.  And then I re-tell them wrong.  I started going straight to the source.  I can’t take 1/2 of what she says seriously.  Again, it’s not on purpose, she’s awful at digesting info and even worse at relaying it.

LW, gotta pick and choose what needs to be corrected right away vs. something small and can be dropped. 

levioosa

I briefly (I say briefly because this issue was the reason I distanced myself from her) had a friend who would lie and exaggerate about everything. Literally everything. I’d see her have a coke for lunch. Later I’d hear her telling someone she never drinks coke, only Pepsi (real life thing that happened). Then she said something which had the potential to land us in hot water at school (also a lie) and I noped right out of all contact with her. 

Casadena

my best friend from college is like this.  It's why she's now my "best friend from college". 

MyNameIsNot

CharmedPam said:

My mom does this - but it’s not on purpose. She gets her stories mixed up all the time.  And then I re-tell them wrong.  I started going straight to the source.  I can’t take 1/2 of what she says seriously.  Again, it’s not on purpose, she’s awful at digesting info and even worse at relaying it.

LW, gotta pick and choose what needs to be corrected right away vs. something small and can be dropped. 

That's my grandma! I talked to her a few weeks ago and mentioned planning the trip we went on last week. A few days later, I get a very confused call from my mom. Ziplining had become sky diving among other things. Totally not on purpose, just has her head in the clouds. 

Totally different from dude here that's overcompensating for being boring or something.